Male psychology: how to understand a man and his language?

Men and women ... From time immemorial we live side by side, but we have not learned to perceive each other in the way that peaceful coexistence requires. Male psychology - how to understand a man to a woman with her own, female psychology? Eternal confrontation, the eternal dispute between the sexes, the eternal struggle. Perhaps it could not be otherwise - there is an opinion that men and women are “from different planets”.

It seems so, because almost every one of us once realises that the man does not understand the mind. Why and to establish with him personal or business contact can be very difficult. Hence - quarrels, conflicts, tensions in the relationship. From here - unhappy marriages, dissatisfaction, hostility, broken hearts and loneliness. And how to understand a man or a guy, general psychology does not prompt.

However, the point is most likely not that we, women, come from Venus. And they are men from Mars. The reason for the differences between the sexes is in the difference of worldviews and differences in the perception of reality. If we are aware of these features of male perception, then we will certainly be able to choose a key to the representatives of the stronger sex.

And bypass, thanks to this, acute angles in the relationship, eliminating the lion’s share of quarrels and misunderstandings. Women are wise creatures. They are able to feel and understand well their loved ones. But only if they have an idea of ??what male psychology is. Otherwise we become touchy, overly demanding, intolerable.

Yes, the mind does not understand a man, if you do not know how he thinks and what he means when he says this or that phrase. Ignorance in this matter generates a lot of conflict and leads to continuous misunderstandings in communicating with loved ones. So let's at least partially eliminate the gap in our knowledge of male psychology and try to understand a man. Let's start?

Men language

Strangely enough, but even when a man and a woman in life use the same dialect, they still speak different languages. According to linguistic researchers, in ancient times, representatives of both sexes were well aware of this. Due to which they understood each other perfectly. However, over time, both of them either forgot about language differences, or ceased to reckon with them.

However, this situation today is not everywhere. For example, in Japan, a similar language difference is provided not only by grammatical rules, but also by etiquette requirements. However, it’s not just declensions, pronouns, endings, prefixes and suffixes. The point, above all, is that men and women express their opinions and experiences in different ways. It’s easy to make sure. It is enough to ask the boy and the girl to retell some fairy tale. And immediately there will be a noticeable big difference between the “girlish” and “boyish” variants. Everything is simple - their psychology even in childhood is already different!

Maybe it is laid in early childhood, because we raise our children in accordance with their sex? But it is also likely that the roots of the differences are in the peculiarities of the psyche and genetic memory. It’s hard to say for sure. The fact remains that we speak different languages.

And if male and female language were taught at school in sex education classes, many of the conflicts between men and women could have been avoided, because it would be much easier to understand a man. But, alas, in such lessons they are now taught anything, even virtuoso sex, but not the skill of communicating with the opposite sex.

As a result, the science of such communication, each person comprehends independently through trial, error and stuffing cones. Yes, it is still good, if it wants to comprehend, otherwise it is not, it does not want to! And all his life comes on the same rake, getting on his forehead again and again. And then, when on a rake it is annoying to stagnate, or it closes, or begins to negatively treat all, without exception, representatives of the opposite sex. They say they are all so-so, so there can be no mutual understanding!

If for men the main thing is external action, then for women it is the inner world of emotions. So how then can we express our thoughts and feelings in the same way? While he is thinking about how to prevent a global coup, she puzzles over what to cook for dinner. While he is thinking about the consequences of a revolution in some country, she is looking for options to lose weight. He was puzzled by the global crisis, she was a new fur coat, and so on. Women generally think more narrowly and specifically than men. Men can overlook scattered socks, dirty cups, cobwebs in the corner, women see it all at once, without straining attention. And, without straining thinking, they already know what to do with such a disgrace.

Conclusion: if a man does not understand the mind, then men and women cannot project their own perception of the world onto each other. These are views on reality from a different angle, coinciding only at certain points.

Psychologically, we are not similar, so you should not be disappointed, taking this dissimilarity as a reluctance to understand and fruitfully build relationships. It is better to take into account that men are not like us, and adjust their behavior accordingly. And as long as male psychology remains a mystery to you, you simply cannot understand it, no matter how much you desire. Let's see what it looks like.

Male phrases. How to treat them?

All of us are big inventors and are inclined to think about almost every remark thrown by our beloved ones. For example, the way back from work was not in the spirit, had dinner, frownedly threw: “I am tired!” And collapsed on the sofa in front of the TV. While he is mindlessly switching channels, an entire armada of disturbing thoughts is whirling around in our heads.

Tired ?! Why are you tired? He was not promoted, he no longer earns money, he spends as much time in the service as he did before. So why is he suddenly so tired today? Eh, nooo, a scoundrel, either hides something from the salary and does not say that they have increased the workload with the salary, or he started a mistress ...

And we also perceive the phrase “I'm tired!” As the fact that he is tired of us. After all, we have recovered almost per kilogram over the past six months and have not cooked borsch for a long time. Not cooked soup? Yeah-hh ?! And the fact that we also work and the whole house we carry is not counted ?!

Everything. It is worthwhile to think this way of the innocent phrase of your dear half - and it’s gone, it’s gone: this is female psychology. The attack on the spouse begins in order to find out for what reasons he is silently lying on the sofa and that he is not satisfied with his home. Moreover, one can only wonder and wonder what caused such a surge of aggression in the dear little wife. After all, he is really just tired. The day was hard!

Men tend to be straightforward. They themselves do not know how to hint, and do not understand hints. It is we, women, who can circle around the bush, walk in from afar, be ambiguous. And then be offended that we were not taken as it should be, did not guess the request and did not satisfy the desire. And find out the relationship with offonarevshem from a sudden attack by her husband. After all, he didn’t suspect that when we asked: “I’m a little better, dear?”, They meant that the figure was perfectly preserved! And he foolishly threw: "Yes!"

It is not worth all the forces trying to pull information from a man. We always pester them with the question of what is at your job, where have you been, waiting for them to confirm feelings and assertions of their own attractiveness. In response, we get indifferent: "Everything is in order," "I went on business," "I love you," "You look great."

And we begin to brutalize from the cold, detached intonation of answers. But what else can it be, if the thoughts of the dear are busy with the solution of a global problem and it’s not a trifle? Well, loves, loves, how much can you talk about it? All fine. There will be problems, will tell. And we look quite ourselves. This is understandable, otherwise I would have escaped long ago! Why bother with such questions again and again? Here it is, male psychology!

The main part of women for unknown reasons for some reason suspect their faithful in excessive secrecy. They, they say, never tell the truth, conceal even the little things and generally pretend to be at every turn. Of course, we are trying to expose them, bring them to clean water and make them behave sincerely. Men become nervous and angry, thereby increasing our suspicion. Still would! After all, if you are freaking out, it means that you’ve got hurt, and he is definitely guilty of something!

Now imagine such a situation. The buyer in the department store attached to the seller with a request to sell him sausage. The seller answers in amazement that they have no sausages for sale. The visitor does not calm down and continues to insist on his own - sell him a pound of amateur sausage, period! And she never wants to believe that she is simply not here. How, as a result, will the seller react to his insistence? Right. In the end, he will lose his temper and show a bore where the exit is.

Something like our attempts to convict a man of insincerity, when he has nothing to hide. What kind of reaction can you expect from someone who is insulted with disbelief? Well, do not know how the representatives of the stronger sex to discuss every little thing, because they do not notice the little things! They do not understand why an ardent confession of love is needed every hour if this fervent confession has already sounded. Yet it is clear that why repeat a hundred times?

Women, of course, like to heed the phrase "I love you," and they are ready to listen to it again and again. However, men say it with all my heart only in moments of elation. If we demand a confession several times a day, they simply give in so as not to provoke the spouse into a scandal. This alone is proof of male love. In the absence of love, would a husband strive to save the world in a family?

Well, since he loves, it means that those extra pounds do not spoil us, and we will not hear about the troubles at work once again. And about what things he decided, when absent, we will not know. Because a loving man will not upset his woman once again and will try to cope with all the issues himself - this is the psychology of a real knight.

From the point of view of representatives of the strong half of humanity, a woman should not be aware of their problems. Does she interfere in her spouse's affairs? It turns out, does not believe in his male consistency. With this, only a suitable infantile hlyupik will be put up, which is just waiting for the wife to take the decision of all the issues on herself.

In a word, if we cannot understand a man with the mind, we will act according to worldly wisdom. He stopped saying compliments and confessing his love, unshaven lounged on a sofa and scratching a growing belly? Wife need to rejoice! Because she is the only one whom the husband fully trusts and with whom he is really good. Otherwise I would not lie here, but wandered somewhere in search of adventure. Or mistress.

In general, the psychology of men is quite understandable. He calls yellow yellow, and blue blue. We can define yellow as the color of young dandelions, and replace blue with the color of the vast sea. Men will not confuse exact definition with emotion. They save both internal reserve and time. You should not worry about it, because we all mean the same thing. Let's try to understand the loved one without further ado, paying more attention to his actions. They will talk about feelings better than any, even the most beautiful phrases.

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10 good mood tips

If you start to feel that something is wrong with you and sad thoughts are overpowered with more and more force, try not to stay in this state for a long time - it can delay. Look for ways to help cope with this condition.

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1. So that you always have a good mood, learn to control yourself. Do not be offended by trifles, try not to quarrel with people close to you, forgive them. Forgiving, you get rid of anger and vengeful feelings that destroy yourself first and foremost.


2. Try to look at the world with humor. Even if you are insulted or you are in a difficult situation, still smile and say to yourself: “And this will also pass!”. Incredibly, but for those who truly believe, all bad things really go away.


3. Do not sit at home, resenting the whole world! You can be sure that there is no bad mood in the street, in the company of friends and acquaintances. Proven!


4. Bring in your life the elements of novelty. Psychologists recommend changing persistent habits from time to time - for example, starting a new hobby or changing your clothes. After all, you really will feel significant changes: for example, putting on shoes with heels, you will become higher, stand up straight and (most importantly!) Begin to catch the interested views of the opposite sex. Nothing acts as positively on mood as the attention of others.


5. Learn to relax. When doing some tedious work, think about something pleasant. For example, about the upcoming meeting with friends or loved ones. And the aroma lamp will help to relax. Here is a list of essential oils that positively affect mood and mental state: mandarin, orange, lemon, grapefruit, bergamot.


6. Take a swim. Water helps the body to relax and unwind, increasing its tone and mood. In addition, the possibility of an accident or injury while swimming is minimal, unlike many other sports.


7. Stop, look around ... Sometimes people fall into the trap simply because they do not find the time to think about whether they are moving in the right direction. It should be time to clean up the thoughts, goals, relationships, just as you regularly do the cleaning in the room.


8. Take life easier. In life there is always a place for deed, but it is not always necessary. Try to focus on what you are doing at the moment. Often this is more conducive to success than the desire to guarantee a long-term result. Rejoice even small successes and small achievements. Life is too short to be sad and reproach yourself.


9. Keep a sense of perspective. Life is movement, and what seems to be a tragedy today may cause a smile tomorrow. No wonder they say - the morning of the evening is wiser.


10. Forget about trouble. If you want to lie in bed and feel sorry for yourself, it is better not to be led by this desire. “Move - and your emotions will also become more mobile,” said psychologist Marion Dilworth. “Watch the movie, do the cleaning ... Remember: you are responsible for your feelings and sensations.”

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How to effectively change someone else's opinion

During our life, we are faced with a variety of situations when we feel the need to change someone's opinion about something.

When someone resists changing their opinions about something, it will not necessarily mean that these people are stubborn or irritable, but may simply mean that their belief system contains something that prevents them from believing you.

In order to be able to change someone else's opinion about something, you need to understand how these people think, what they believe, and how you can put your idea into their belief system with minimal resistance.

Step-by-step guide to change someone else's opinion:

• Drop the bomb. Begin by expressing your argument directly, clearly and briefly. For example: "What you did yesterday was wrong."


• Draw a map of defense lines in your mind. As soon as you speak out against someone’s beliefs, people will start arguing, offering many excuses for their actions. At this moment you must be silent, listen and remember what they say. As in many other cases, listening is crucial to success. These arguments are called lines of defense, because as soon as you penetrate into them, it will be easy for you to change a person’s opinion.


• Debunk their arguments, one by one, in the same order. The mistake of many people in trying to convince others is that they are too focused on the main thing, not realizing that if they could get rid of many of the arguments of the opponent, the path for conviction would be immediately opened. Do not try to seize the castle with one blow, go around from the side, soldier after soldier, until you are ready to make a big hole in the wall.


• There may be new arguments and this is normal. If you have successfully coped with the refutation of all the proposed arguments, a person can dig a little deeper and find a couple more arguments in their favor. At this point, you should not lose hope, but rather to understand that what you expose really works. They end up with arguments, and they resort to using strategic reserves.


• Answer the final arguments. You must again respond to the opponent’s last arguments, giving him valid reasons that prove him wrong.


• Repeat your opinion, and it's done. As soon as they answer you: “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”, repeat your main idea again many times, and they will believe you. For example: "you know what's wrong, why did you do it?"

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Some things that can help you change someone else's opinion:

Of course, this process is not so simple, and you will not be able to convince someone that their arguments are not true unless you sound convincing. This will not happen if you:

• Be realistic. No one will believe in something willy-nilly. Your point of view should be based on reality. No matter how many times you repeat your opinion, if it is not based on truth, no one will buy it.


• Prepare in advance / offer solid evidence. As in many other cases, preparation is key. Among other things, another person needs stronger evidence than what he himself has to believe you.


• Confirm your arguments with facts. Use statistics, numbers, research results, or even quotes from authoritative figures to sound more convincing.


• Use public evidence. Allow the person to understand his wrongfulness, setting as an example many other people with opposing convictions. The theory of public evidence is based on the fact that at the time of confusion, people tend to stick to what most do.


• Repeat. The more you repeat your arguments, the more convincing they become. If you manage to attract a friend who also confirms your arguments, then the likelihood of changing the opinions of others is much higher.

In conclusion, changing one's opinion consists in removing all the obstacles that people hold in their belief system, one by one, and then repeating their ideas again and again.

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7 hidden symptoms of pride

Pride will kill you. Forever. Pride is a sin that most likely prevents you from recognizing your desperate need for a Savior. Those who believe that they have no health problems will not go to the doctor.

By degree of danger, pride is difficult to compare with anything. When it comes to exploring our heart, for those of us who have pride this is a difficult time. Pride amazes our eyesight, forcing us to look at everything through a prism that embellishes and distorts reality. Even the ugliness of our sin she paints with beautiful and laudatory paints.

We cannot say that we have no problems with pride, because we do not see it in our heart. And these blissful moments, when I stroke my back and say that I am fine, these particular moments should alarm me most of all. I need to wear glasses of Christ humility, remembering that nothing good lives in my flesh, and to explore my heart for hidden pride and its symptoms.

In his essay on pride, Jonathan Edwards points to seven of her hidden symptoms.

1. Finding flaws

While pride pushes us to deny evil within us, it also forces us to overlook the goodness of God in others. We “sift” people through the sieve of our perception and allow only their shortcomings to pass through it. Thus, we form our idea of ??others.

When I listen to a sermon or study a passage of Scripture, pride encourages me to avoid the “operation” that the Holy Spirit wants to do on my heart, and instead write a blog article or plan a possible conversation with someone who “really needs to listen ".

Edwards writes: “A spiritually proud man discovers this when he seeks for the flaws in other saints ... A humble Christian has something to do at home.” And since he sees a lot of evil in his life, he is in no hurry to deal with the hearts of other people. ”

2. Sharpness

Those who are infected with pride, with contempt, irritation, disappointment and judgment condemn the sins of others. Pride hides behind the screen of our belittling the spiritual struggle of other believers. She is hiding behind our jokes, making fun of our spouses. She can even leak into our prayers for friends.

Again, Edwards writes: "Christians who are brothers should relate to one another with humility and meekness, just as Christ refers to them."

3. Surface

When pride lives in our hearts, we are more concerned with what others think of us than with what actually happens in our hearts. We fight only with those sins that affect the opinions of others about us, but put up with those that no one sees. We achieve great success in those areas of holiness that are well visible to others, but we care little about our inner “secret places”.

4. Protective behaviour

Those who rely solely on the righteousness of Christ will find in it a safe haven from the various attacks of people and Satan. True humility does not lose self-control and does not rush to defense against challenges and reproaches, but instead continues to do good, entrusting its soul to the faithful Creator.

Edwards says: “The more words sounds against a humble Christian, the longer he will remain silent until he enters his“ secret room ”and opens his mouth in prayer.”

5. Arrogance before God

Humility approaches God with confidence based on Christ. If one of the elements falls out of this equation (humility or confidence), then our hearts will most likely be overwhelmed with pride. Some of us do not lack courage in front of God, but if we are not careful, we will forget that He is God.

Edwards writes: “Some, in great joy before God, forget what is said in Psalm 2:11 -“ Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. ”

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Others feel insecure in the presence of God, which sounds like humility, although in reality it is another symptom of pride. At such times, we demonstrate the faith that our sins are greater than His grace. We doubt the power of the blood of Christ and look at ourselves, not at Christ.

6. Thirst for attention

Pride desperately wants attention, respect and worship in all its forms.

This may take the form of bragging. This may be the inability to say no to a desire to be needed. This can manifest itself as an obsessive desire to marry or get married, or dreams of a better marriage, because of the desire to be adored. This can be expressed in the form of an obsession to have a more expensive car, a bigger house, a higher position and all because of seeking glory from people, not from God.

7. Neglect of others

Pride is likable. It glorifies those who honor this world, attaching greater importance to their words, desires and needs. I feel thrilled when people with power notice me. We consciously or unconsciously go around the weak, uncomfortable and unattractive, because we think that they can give us nothing.

Perhaps many of us suffer from pride more than we think.

But for such people there is good news. Recognizing pride is the first signal of its end. This means that the war has already begun. Because only the Spirit of God, working in our hearts, humbles us, and then the veil of pride falls from our eyes and we see ourselves in the true light, recognizing our “sickness” and seeking healing.

By the grace of God, we can return to this glorious gospel, in which we believe and which speaks of Him, even when it reveals our pride in all its hidden manifestations within us. Just as my hidden pride once led me to death, so her recognition leads me to life, prompting me to grasp even more at the righteousness of Christ.

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How to properly respond to criticism

People react to criticism in different ways. Someone learns from her and treats her calmly. But for some, it is a problem that causes anger, excuses, self-doubt and a fall in self-esteem. How to prevent this problem? How to respond to criticism? How to make criticism benefit us, not bitterness and suffering?

Rule 1 - Calm down and watch

Do not give in to the very first reaction your mind and emotions give rise to. Yes, criticism can be unpleasant, and I know it. Sometimes, having heard such criticism, we feel that our works did not receive an adequate assessment, that our personal qualities were questioned. Differences between one's own expectations and the opinions of other people give rise to unpleasant dissonance: resentment, irritation, bitterness and anger provoke a reaction of desperate defense or aggressive attack on a criticizing person. There is nothing strange and surprising in this, because we are forced to act by the protective psychological mechanisms hidden in us by nature.

When we hear negative criticism, we unconsciously see a threat not only in relation to our social status, but we also feel a danger to the ideas about our “I” that have taken root in us. In general, we do not like it when people say that we are not used to thinking about ourselves.

Therefore, it happens that we passionately and violently react to criticism. It can be said an automatic psychic reaction. But where there is automatism, there is not always a place for common sense and understanding. Anger and resentment narrow the field of your perception , they rivet all your attention only on yourself: you think much more about how to protect yourself from criticism or how to find weak points in this criticism than about how much it can help you .

But if you calm down and relax, wait out the first stormy wave of emotions, then your perception will become free from stunning feelings, and you will see many more that you have not seen before. For example, the fact that in a critical assessment, albeit too subjective, there is a grain of truth. And if you take it into account, in the future it will help you to avoid many mistakes. Or, on the contrary, you will understand that the remark was completely unfair, and the person who expressed it was in a bad mood, which provoked him to a negative assessment of you and your work.

A calm mind can see much more and think much more constructively than a mind subject to strong emotions.

Therefore, before you go into the controversy or respond to an e-mail containing unpleasant information about your work, try to calm down. There are many different techniques that will help you quickly pull yourself together and restore spiritual balance:

• Slowly count to ten


• Take a few deep slow breaths


• Write down all your thoughts and describe all your feelings on paper before answering. What do you feel? What do you think? Throw it out on paper, not on man.

These are good and effective techniques that will help you "wait out" the first reaction and relax.

But I like in this case (if time allows) just to watch your mind. See how he worries and rushes under the heat of the fire of my wounded self-importance. How he becomes biased, ceases to understand, and freezes in a militant stance in order to rush on the offender. As he showered me with a heap of flattery and self-justification, to make criticism less painful ...

Instead of giving in to the first reaction, just calmly watch her. As soon as you notice that your mind has again come up with tricky ways to protect yourself from the attacks of criticism, turn your attention back to observation. So you will not only see how the violent reaction gradually weakens and fades away, you will also learn a lot about yourself, how your mind behaves, how your mind works. You will learn much more from passionless observation of yourself than from all psychology textbooks combined!

But do not somehow condemn this reaction of your mind. Remember, there is nothing bad in it, because it is natural. We are so arranged by nature that we can react to criticism in a similar way. Therefore, treat this reaction with love and understanding, but at the same time, try not to succumb to it, but remain a spectator who is not involved in the performance.

If you learn this, it will be much easier for you not to succumb to any emotions (anger, irritation), you can not react to them immediately, but use the time to come to the best solution to the problem you are faced with. This skill is very useful in life. It will help you avoid many quarrels, scandals and just difficult situations. You will see that the first reaction is the strongest in only a few seconds: it is worth holding this time, not giving in to the first wave, as it will be much easier for you to pull yourself together.

Rule 2 - Use criticism as an opportunity to become better

Criticism is not always a reason to drop your dignity or offend you. It can serve as a reliable assistant who will point you to your weaknesses or weaknesses of the project you are working on. It is not very right to stop your ears and resist when such an assistant talks to you. But this is exactly what people who violently react to criticism are doing.

If you listen to this helper, you will learn a lot about yourself and, possibly, become a better person! If criticism points you to your weaknesses, which you can improve, then this is not a reason to be upset! After all, you are most likely to say thanks to the person who will tell you in time that your car has faulty brakes. You will immediately take the car to the service and, possibly, save yourself health or life. Why is it so difficult for us to accept disapproving criticism about ourselves?

Take it with gratitude and apply for the benefit of yourself! And be sure, almost any personality traits can be developed . Therefore, do not take criticism as a verdict and reproach yourself!

But, what if criticism is aimed at those qualities that you cannot change? Moreover, there is no reason to worry about it! What is the sense of grieving about what you can not fix? Learn to accept the circumstances as they are.

Rule 3 - Ask for details

Sometimes it is necessary to clarify the criticism. First of all, thank the person for his critical comment. Then you should make sure that you understand him correctly: you can clarify some aspects of his remarks. For example: “what do you mean by the absence of references to sources”, “give an example, please!”

This will help not only to gain time, but also to clarify, detail the criticism and change your reaction to it. For example, at first it seemed to you that the quality of your work in general is being questioned, but after clarifying the critical comment, you were convinced that only a particular aspect of your work was said: “Well, I will give an example. In the section "software" you have no analysis of the sources on which you relied. In the section "technical solutions" I also did not see a detailed analysis. As for the remaining 12 sections, analysis is enough there. ”

You must agree that such criticism is much easier to accept than the general statement “in your work you do not refer to sources”. People tend to summarize, so ask them to clarify their comments and confirm with specific examples. The same applies to life situations, not just workers. Instead of arguing with your wife because she called you irresponsible, ask her in what situations you are irresponsible and how often such situations occur. Ask her for examples. It is always easier to agree with examples than with abstract accusations. You can not argue with the facts, they help to dot the i. Maybe you find out that you really do not show much responsibility regarding your life, and you need to change something. Or will you come to that that the facts of irresponsible behavior are exaggerated by your spouse, they are isolated. And in many situations you remain serious and decisive.

This tactic will help not only to clarify what the critic has in mind, but will also allow you to take time out in order not to succumb to the first reaction, which can be the most destructive when you do not have time and opportunity to relax and calm down.

Rule 4 - Listen to the criticism

When you listen to someone’s criticism, just try to listen to it! It should not immediately after the first words come up with what to answer and how to defend. So you can miss some important details in the words of the critic and look silly by answering him. And, of course, you should not interrupt the interlocutor, trying to give him your answer. Listen to him carefully to the end, it will help you better understand the words of another person, as well as collect your own thoughts to answer in the most appropriate way. Take a short pause to ponder his words. No one will wake you up for judging; on the contrary, you will show respect for someone else’s point of view. You took her time, thought it over, and not just said what the first thing came to mind.

And the more calmly and thoughtfully you answer, the less inadequate criticism you will hear in response, and it will be easier for you to accept criticism. Curb your ego, but also do not insult the ego of the one who criticizes you, treat criticism with respect. If two ego mates in a duel, then a catastrophe can not be avoided. Mutual respect, listening skills do not allow this collision to occur.

Rule 5 - Make sure the criticism fits its subject

Sometimes you should make sure that the one who criticizes you has understood the subject and purpose of your work well. For example, often on this site I get critical reviews about my articles. Many of them really help me write better. But others seem to be aimed not at my article, but at another, which I did not write. For example, a person may criticize what I did not indicate in the article. This may occur for various reasons. I could not very well explain my point of view. Or the reader did not understand it very well. Perhaps he was just too lazy to read the article to the end, but he had a desire to criticize it. I react to such criticism in different ways. Sometimes I try to figure out what caused it. Maybe I’ve really misunderstood something, and I should reformulate my thoughts. Sometimes I just pass by without answering

Therefore, before reacting to criticism, you should make sure that it is addressed specifically to your work, and not to the distorted image of this work in the head of the critic. You do not need to get involved in a dispute about work that you did not do and react to such criticism with insult. After all, it is not addressed to your work, but to some distorted representation of it in the head of the critic. And this image may have little to do with the actual subject: do not take it personally. A person could come up with something himself, and then criticize what he came up with, thinking that he condemns your work. Do not give in to this illusion.

Also, this criticism must take into account the objectives of this work. For example, it is not very smart to criticize a washing machine for not sending SMS from it.

Rule 6 - Get rid of the installation that you need to be perfect

Get rid of the belief that you should be perfect, and your work should be done the first time. If all people did their job perfectly, then there would be no need for collective work, meetings and the exchange of ideas. People are forced to support each other, discuss the results of joint work, make suggestions and point out mistakes. Even the most senior managers do not make important decisions alone. Because they know that every person is wrong.

Learn to calmly treat your mistakes and shortcomings. No matter how hard you try to do something, no matter how ambitious goals you set for yourself, no matter how sensitive you are about your tasks, there will always be room for mistakes, imperfections. We are all human and we are all limited by our knowledge, experience, and convictions. And the more we think about what should be perfect, the further we move away from ourselves perfection! What we fear will eventually become our reality! Rejecting criticism, rejecting everything that does not correspond to our idealized ideas about ourselves, about our work, we refuse to learn. We refuse to get better. We refuse to move towards perfection. The vitality of our illusions and precarious ideas about ourselves becomes more important for us than any development.

I will tell you about how destructive these attitudes can be in the next paragraph, giving an example from life.

Rule 7 - Do not argue with someone else's impression, listen to him

Several years ago in one forum I saw a request from one participant to evaluate his online project. The idea of ??the site was curious. But the implementation was quite low: small print, lack of paragraphs, confused style of presentation of information, difficulty with navigation, completely ugly design, lack of optimization.

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Critics voiced all these shortcomings, showed examples of successful sites and made suggestions on how and what needs to be fixed for the site to become popular. That is, the criticism was aimed more at help than at denigrating the work of this person.

But the author of the site stubbornly disagreed with criticism. He said that the font and navigation is actually normal, and the site does not need to be improved. And the critic, in his opinion, was simply mistaken in his assessments.

But in your impression you can never be mistaken! If on someone your work produces a repulsive effect, then this effect is what it is. If someone says that he is uncomfortable reading the text on your presentation or his eyes are straining the colors of the design you have developed, then he most likely does not deceive you. Yes, this impression may change with time, but now it is just that and, most likely, not just. If you are doing work for people, and not to admire it alone, then, especially, it makes sense to listen to the opinions of people.

The author of the site I was talking about could listen to the opinions of those who tried to help him make the site better for the public and, perhaps, win over his loyal readers. But in order to do this, he needed to get rid of the installation, that the result of his many months of work had to be perfect. But he was convinced of the correctness of his assessment, that he knows everything better than other people whose impressions are “wrong”, and no one except him can appreciate his work. From the very beginning, he did not want criticism, despite his request. He wanted to get only praise for the work done. And in sacrifice to his self-conceit and stubbornness, he brought a potentially successful project. His site no longer exists.

Rule 8 - Use someone else's opinion to complement the perspective.

Different people think differently. They see the situation differently. They notice what others do not notice and, on the contrary, do not see what you see. That is why we are forced to cooperate: our points of view complement each other, even if, at first glance, it seems that they are in conflict.

It is like looking at the same point on the landscape, but from different sides. You are standing on a hill from the north, and your colleague surveys a point from a plain in the south. You see the landscape above: the roofs of houses, the peaks of the towers, but you are not aware of the actual height of the buildings. Whereas, if you look at them from below, your eye will notice more precisely how much buildings differ in height from others. And the contradiction generated by a look from different perspectives is only imaginary.

Open cooperation, readiness to accept someone else's point of view gives the volume, depth and completeness of the problem under consideration, be it your relationship, your work or you yourself.

Rule 9 - Rate the Situation

Ask yourself: who criticizes you? Maybe this is a man who from the very beginning was opposed to you? Or one who feels important when he criticizes others? Or is it your friend who loves you and wants to help you? Depending on the answers to these questions, your reaction to criticism will change.

Also ask yourself questions: why are you being criticized? Fair criticism or not? Do you understand me correctly? Did I give any reason to criticize me? Perhaps you will understand that it is not clear that they conveyed their thoughts, which caused an adverse reaction. Or your work does contain some flaws that you can fix, instead of convincing everyone that it is perfect.

Rule 10 - Give thanks for your criticism. Use it as an ego trainer.

Before you rush into controversy, mentally thank the person who criticizes you. After all, criticism helps you to become better! I already wrote that it points to your mistakes and helps you avoid them. But not only truthful and polite criticisms can be useful to you! Strange as it may sound, but the most useful criticism for you can be the most unfair and insulting!

On my site, some people sometimes leave impolite, offensive and unfair comments about my articles, sometimes passing on to my personality. But precisely such comments harden my ability to calmly respond to unflattering criticism, not to give in to my emotions. I call these comments: "simulator for the ego . " Only the most unflattering critic can awaken my Ego and leave me alone with him, see him at the highest point of passion and curb it. It is hard and not always successful. Sometimes, this struggle leaves a heavy emotional wounds. But if these wounds are left alone, let them heal, and the fire storming inside is extinguished, then sooner or later, flowers of experience, development and knowledge will appear in their place.

"Trained", which is immune to the insults of the Ego - a pledge of self-confidence , unshakable self-esteem and solid character!

I find it unpleasant to hear feedback from those who do not appreciate my work, like any other person. Especially if a lot of energy and moral strength are put into this work. But often it was from these reviews that I had a breakthrough in understanding: strong emotions did not let me forget what I was told, and I returned to these offensive words again and again. But gradually the veil of emotions subsided, and the truth was revealed. I have seen that even the most offensive criticism may contain some sound grain. The angry reaction of a person can be the result of his personal problems, but at the same time, it can be caused by something in me and point to something. Let his personal perception strongly distorted what he was trying to tell. But I can take his message and decrypt it, remove all unnecessary from it and use it for myself!

Therefore, remember that whatever criticism is: soft or aggressive, truthful or inadequate, motivated by love or hate, it can all be useful to you! You can find bits of truth in it. And even if you do not find it, it will harden and strengthen your ego. Therefore, always thank people for criticism (not necessarily in words, you can do it in your mind), because they do you an invaluable service, even if they themselves do not know about it!

Rule 11 - Access Statistics

Often criticism is subjective. Instead of losing your balance of mind because of the opinion of a single person, think about what other people think about the subject of criticism? If someone criticized your work, then find out how your other colleagues rated it. If someone criticized you personally, remember what your friends think of you. They communicate with you, love and respect you despite all your shortcomings. You may also ask yourself, what do you think about yourself and your work? You also have a great right to vote and to participate in these statistics! Often we are so much worried about the opinion of another person that we forget to ask ourselves what we really think about it.

Opinions are subjective, we all know this perfectly, but do not use this knowledge. Thousands of laudatory reviews about us and about our work can pass by us unnoticed by us. But a single negative review can deprive us of our mood for whole days! But such reviews will inevitably arise, especially if a lot of people value your work. (Remember the aphorism of Aristotle at the beginning of the article?) This is natural. You can't be perfect. You will not please everyone.

Rule 12 - Do not get involved in meaningless arguments

Try to listen to criticism, if it is reasonable, and just pass by it, if it is not true. It will save you time and nerves. In my article “ How to stop arguing, ” I wrote the following. When a person argues, his mind is completely focused on carrying out an attack on an opponent or on the implementation of the defense of his own point of view. He is not interested in truth, he either defends himself or attacks, being unable to understand and perceive. This makes it difficult to get the benefit of criticism and improve, and also gives rise to many unpleasant emotions.

Of course, senseless disputes should be avoided, but this does not mean that in situations where the public is waiting for your answer, you should silently accept any, even the most unfair criticism. Sometimes, however, attention should be paid to the shortcomings of criticism or to its incompatibility with its subject.

Rule 13 - React When Needed

In this article, I wrote about the importance of accepting someone else’s criticism, listening to it, and showing respect. But there are situations when criticism turns into rudeness and insult. And you need to respond to this in accordance with the situation. If someone insulted you on the Internet - pass by. If in real life someone regularly offends you, then it cannot just be silently tolerated. I hope that your wisdom will tell you how to deal with this situation.

The opinion of other people about you does not always stem from real facts. Sometimes it is only the result of their personal conjectures, the projections of their fears on you. It happens that people have a negative impression of your personality or your work as a result of a runaway impression, their tendency to generalize and not see the whole. Often the person’s opinion of you, expressed in criticism, is only his personal problem, not yours, even if there is some truth in this opinion.

Feel free to take this truth, use it for your needs. And leave all criticism and bitterness to the critic himself, let them stay with him!

Remember, the opinion about you exists only in the minds of other people and, more often, it remains there if you do not let it in yourself. Give people the right to carry in their heads any thoughts and opinions they want! Do not make a big deal out of the fact that this opinion is such and not some other.

But, nevertheless, one should not avoid reacting to all criticism. Sometimes you can be criticized just to cause your annoyance, or simply out of a desire to offend you. Such criticism can be intrusive and annoying, and you cannot leave it as it is, but respond.

In many situations, you still have to defend your opinion, cut off unfair attacks and defend yourself. If you had to do it, then do it with a calm heart, without undue resentment. Be persistent in defending your opinion, where the situation requires perseverance, without losing tact and listening skills.

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How to cheer up? 10 ways!

Emotional mood is an integral part of the life of any person. But there are often days when nothing pleases, negative thoughts prevail. Lingering depressed mood can lead to depression. Therefore, each person should have an idea of how to cheer up and get rid of the negative.

Causes of a bad mood

The reasons that can spoil the mood, a lot. In addition, the same events affect each individual differently. However, among the most common are the following:

• Opinion close circle. The emotional background of each person is directly dependent on those people who are close. And this is not by chance, because to each of us it is very important what family and friends think, and if this opinion differs from what we expect to hear, then the mood will be spoiled.


• For a person is very important calm and peaceful atmosphere. Any conflict can cause the emotional state to worsen.


• The mood may deteriorate as a result of waiting for trouble. A person is worried, in a state of tension, which he cannot cope with. Such manifestations are fraught with a deterioration of the emotional background.


• Financial problems too often cause mental oppression.


• If our desires are at odds with the possibilities, there is frustration and a decline in the emotional state.
  Bad sleep can also cause a negative attitude. If a similar problem in a person’s life is not uncommon, then depression is not far away.


• Monotonous work or the need to do what you don’t like usually leads to negative emotions and feelings of hopelessness.

Having an idea of ??what resulted in a negative emotional state, you can find out how to quickly raise your mood when it is at zero.

Express methods to remedy the situation

Are you interested to learn how to cheer yourself up in 5 minutes? Use proven methods that take a little time.

• Watch a good comedy film or program.


• Listen to your favorite fun music.


• Read jokes.


• Take a douche and wash your hair.


• Take care of doing good deeds.


• Just take a walk in the fresh air. Communication with nature works wonders.

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The most effective ways to cheer up

According to psychologists, the mood of each person is determined by the peculiarities of thinking. It is necessary to look at the world around with optimism, and just ignore all the negative moments. Only the person himself is able to create for himself the conditions under which he will feel happy.

Let's learn how to cheer yourself up if everything is bad. Among the most effective ways worth noting the following points:

• Conversation. If you overcome negative emotions, then you do not need to be left alone with bad thoughts, this will only aggravate the situation. You need to talk, talk with someone from loved ones. This method will definitely help.


• Someone to get rid of sadness and negativity helps tears. You just need to cry.


• Every person has a creative beginning. You need to find what you do best. Draw a picture, compose a poem, prepare a culinary masterpiece - such classes will help to shift attention and bring real pleasure.


• Changes. Longing for the soul can be appeased, taking up changes in their appearance. It may be worth changing your hairstyle, shading your hair a little, experimenting with clothes. By the way, this advice is good not only for women, but also for men too.


• To cheer up yourself, you can go to the gym or swimming pool. Exercise well "unload" the brain.


• Relaxing treatments will also help keep yourself in good shape. Fit yoga classes, giving peace of mind and confidence.


• Ten-minute meditation is able to restore balance.


• Tidying up the house is a good way to put your thoughts in order and get rid of a bad emotional state. Try to throw trash out of the house, rearrange the furniture, put things in order.


• Music and dancing will help all cheer up. You need to choose a funny melody and dance.


• Delicious sweets will cheer up very quickly. Such delicacies contribute to the production of endorphins - the hormones of happiness. It is useful to eat bananas, citrus fruits, strawberries, nuts, dried fruits, honey. Having pampered yourself with these products, you yourself will not notice how the energy starts to beat with the key.


• Smile. Psychologists recommend using the "tight smile" method for a bad emotional attitude. You need to stand in front of a mirror and smile at your reflection. First, let it be unnatural, but then the corresponding signals will start to flow to the brain, and the mood will become noticeably better.


• Take care of good deeds and charity. By helping others, you can prioritize, distract from dark thoughts, feel like a useful and meaningful person.


• Playing with pets can not charge a positive. Pet the cat that lives at home, play with the dog, and you quietly cheer yourself up. If there are no pets, you can go to the forest or park and watch the animals and birds in their natural environment. I bet that you will make a lot of discoveries!


• Contrast shower - a method that works flawlessly. Hot and cold water is a kind of beneficial stress for the body. After the procedure, you immediately feel awake and full of energy.


• Substitute your face to the sun's rays whenever possible - even in the fall or winter. The fact is that the lack of ultraviolet can depress the human psyche. With the onset of warm days, be sure to get out into nature.

Creating a positive emotional attitude is a work that will surely pay off with good health, vigor and mental balance. There are many ways to improve your mood. Everyone can find for themselves something suitable. The main thing is not to be afraid to experiment, and then the world around will become brighter and kinder.

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How to cheer yourself up?

The first way to cheer yourself up is your hobby. Set aside time for yourself and do what you love. Nothing is as happy as doing something you love. After a while you 100% will lift your mood and feel a taste for life. This method is very powerful and always works!

The second way to cheer yourself up is to pamper yourself with shopping. Surely you have things that you love very much, but do not often allow yourself for any reason. Bad mood is the case when pampering yourself is not what you can, but it is simply necessary.

Buy yourself a sumptuous bouquet of flowers, visit a cafe and have a cup of coffee, the price of which was previously unthinkable for you, or for a fire accident - buy yourself a quality chocolate or a delicious cake. Sweet always raises the mood, because it produces endorphins in the brain, and endorphins are considered to be hormones of happiness . Therefore, this method also always works. So eat on health.

The third way to cheer yourself up is a fun song. Turn on your favorite song and sing along! Just be sure to choose the joyful composition. Sad melodies will set on you even more longing.

The fourth way to cheer yourself up is to walk. Answer me the question: how long have you been in the park? And when did you leave the country for the last time? And at least just walked around the modest corners of your city? It does not really matter what time of the year it is now. Try to get out of the Internet, drop everything and allow yourself at least an hour of silence, in which you will surely hear yourself. Walk away from the city bustle and noise, give yourself a little rest, silence and unity with Mother Nature, and you will feel with your whole skin how the vital energy returns to you again.

The fifth way to cheer yourself up is anecdotes. Now on the Internet a lot of funny stories. Just browse the Internet and start reading funny jokes! Usually, after five funny jokes, the mood rises and a smile begins to appear on the face.

The sixth way to cheer yourself up is to dance! Dancing is my favorite way of cheering up. In any way, in the kindergarten, you all danced together "Dance of small ducklings" . So why do not you remember? And if you still start to "quack" where you want, it's generally wonderful! You will not only raise your spirits, but also be cheerful for many days ahead. Proven - it works!

The seventh way to cheer up this action . If your bad mood has a specific reason, try to eliminate it as soon as possible. Do not wait for the moment that the problem will be solved by itself. Pick yourself up and solve it. You yourself know perfectly well that there is a way out of any situation. Tell your friends about your problems, ask your friends to help you, think about what you can do yourself to solve this problem. The action will return to you self-confidence , and this will cheer you up.

The eighth way to cheer yourself up is to go to the movies or watch your favorite movie at home. Of course, you only need a comedy. Watching melodramas during a bad mood is highly discouraged. But a comedy is exactly what will definitely cheer you up. You can also find on the Internet funny videos involving animals, children. I also recommend that you familiarize yourself with the video section - positive thinking . There you will find many interesting things.

The ninth way to cheer yourself up is to please yourself with SPA procedures. You will not only be proud of your darling, but also your body, visiting the beauty salon and ordering your favorite SPA procedure, especially if earlier you regretted the money. To lift the spirits the whole body spa massage, spa manicure, spa pedicure, as well as wrapping and various spa programs for the face will perfectly help you. Believe that by allowing yourself such luxury, you will feel like a new person.

The tenth way to cheer yourself up is meditation . Details on meditations, you can find out by visiting the section Meditation and Intuition . A ten-minute meditation will help you regain strength and get rid of stress . During meditation, imagine that you are filled with the light of joy and happiness . It's a great way to cheer yourself up.

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The eleventh way to cheer up this creativity. Each of us has its own creative abilities. Try to find your talents! Try to paint a picture or write a verse, prepare a culinary exclusive - simply put, do what will bring you pleasure, and you will certainly feel much better.

The twelfth way to cheer yourself up is to distract your attention. This method is quite simple, but it is sometimes too lazy to perform. Look at some subject and focus on it all your attention. About yourself or out loud, describe this subject in all details. I do not know how you are, but this method works fine!

The thirteenth way to cheer yourself up is to do something useful. I do not mean a hobby. Eliminate a bad mood if you enrol in a gym, foreign courses or any other business that will provide you with new knowledge or skills. Why am I confident in this method? First, you simply will not have time for negative thoughts, and secondly, in this way you will increase your self-esteem , which also effectively and quickly drives away a sad mood.

The fourteenth way to cheer yourself up is to change your image. Sometimes, in order to cope with depression , you just need to refresh your image. For example, try changing your hairstyle to a more fashionable one. But this should be done with a proven master, and this is very important. And it can happen that the new image will not please you, but will aggravate your bad mood. But the quality-performed work of a hairdresser can for a long time provide you with a joyful mood and significantly raise your self-esteem .

The fifteenth way to cheer yourself up is playing with pets. It is well known that our pets are the best able to raise our moods. To do this, it will be enough to pet your cat or play with your dog in a Frisbee - and you will be in a good mood! If you do not have a pet, then go to the zoo or delphinium or just go out and feed the homeless animal. The mood of communication with animals necessarily rise.

The sixteenth way to cheer yourself up is a dream. Yes this is not a typo. The cause of a bad mood is often fatigue, fatigue. Sleep is the best way to regain strength. So allow yourself the luxury and go to bed. One hour of sleep during the daytime replaces four hours of night sleep. After you wake up, you will feel different - updated.

The seventeenth way to cheer yourself up is doing good deeds. People engaged in charity are much more satisfied with their lives. And it does not matter how much you sacrifice for the sake of others. Scientists have found that such people are much more likely to notice and appreciate all the good things that are in their lives. So join charitable foundations and organisations.

The eighteenth way to cheer yourself up is a cold shower. Yes, it works without fail. The fact that a cold shower is a stress for the body. That's just it's a useful stress. You will instantly feel vivacity after taking a cold shower, and the mood will increase in multiple quantities. So go ahead and with the song ... into the bathroom.

The nineteenth way to cheer yourself up is visualization. Visualization or dreaming always helped to cheer up. Surely you have goals that you want to achieve, but they are far away. So, not to wait for the moment when you reach your goal , just lay down on the sofa and start to imagine how you have already reached the goal. The fact is that bad mood, sometimes, is connected with discontent, which arose due to failure on the way to achieving the goal. For example, you were not promoted at work. In this case, you lie on the couch and begin to imagine how you were promoted at work. After that, you will have a good mood, and the next increase will be yours.

The twentieth way to cheer yourself up is to recall some pleasant moment from the past. Try to remember from your life an event through which you were truly happy. This method is very similar to the previous method, only in this case you do not come up, but remember the real events that happened to you. This way will make you realize that you are not such a loser as you thought. Pleasant memories from life always raise the mood.

The twenty-first way to cheer yourself up is to allow yourself to fool around. My most favorite way. You just stand in front of a mirror and start to make faces, make silly sounds, rush around the apartment as a three-year-old child. And do not care what others think. Just start fooling around. This is the most powerful way to elevate yourself to the mood. And if you still find yourself a partner who will make faces with you, then ... I will not even speak.

In fact, there are more ways to increase your spirits than you are given in this article. Try to find your ways and share them with others, and you will notice that the world around you will become more joyful and brighter.

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Why do we lie?

In matters of relations, sincerity is almost the first place. People often demand the truth from each other, whatever they are. But it turns out that being honest is not easy for everyone. Someone is lying for their own benefit, someone out of habit - all have their own reasons for lying. But no one wants to be in the place of someone deceived. Therefore, people often look for ways to find out how frank this or that person is. In fact, it's not that hard to find out, it's enough just to know why we lie in these or those situations. This will quickly determine not only who and when is insincere with you, but also what are his motives. Agree, this is not the most useless skill.

Creative impulse.

The most shameless and unpredictable liars are those who lie for the sake of a red word. Such people are more often the soul of the company, charming storytellers and little scammers. They tell amazing stories, which you want so much to believe in. The success of their lies is that most of us want to believe in a miracle and in a fairy tale, which we get when listening to their stories. For sure, many had to be in the shoes of a creative liar, so it's easy to understand such people. We know exactly why we lie at such moments - just to bring a revival into the conversation or attract attention to ourselves in the new company. More often than not, such a lie is absolutely harmless, unless the talent of the narrator is used for profit.

Lies for salvation.

How often people lie, believing that lying will help something to a person. To answer the question why we lie in situations where a close person is seriously ill, if a friend changes her husband, if we do not like someone's new haircut or car, it's not difficult. We do not want to hurt again, we think that a person will be happier if he does not find out the truth. In fact, we make a choice for him in what reality he exists, and we speak untruth for his own good. Such lies are often justified. But in fact, a lie is always a lie, no matter what excuses it can cover. More often than not, it is more important for a person to know the truth in order to take adequate measures, even if it's just a matter of unsuccessful make-up.

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Lies of benefit.

People often tell lies, based on their own benefit. Many faced such situations when it was easier to lie, for example, when we were late for work once again, when we forgot about our promise, when we are too lazy to do something. Why do we lie in such situations? Because the truth would be unprofitable for us. But the benefit of lying can be different. Scammers often use their eloquence and compelling facts to achieve their goal, which is not often succeeded. Often it is lodges for personal gain that make liars the greatest disappointments.

Justification of their own complexes.

Often people embellish reality, because that world and the life they live in, does not suit them. Someone is dissatisfied with their work, someone with a car, someone with personal relationships. There is always something that does not meet our expectations. But if someone makes an effort to correct life in accordance with their own desires, then there are those who prefer to lie. Such people create only the illusion of happiness, it is they who talk about eye-popping beauties, whose attention is surrounded, about incredible career successes, about expensive cars and the life that is beyond the reach of most. In this way it's easy to get popularity, but what will be its price and what risks will be exposed at the most inopportune moment - not everyone thinks about it. Often lovers lie to hide their real life,

Whatever the lie, it is always unpleasant. Very few people like it when they drive him by the nose, then why do we lie, if we know how it can be painful? Everyone has his own reason and justifications. It must be understood that every person at least once in his life resorted to this or that kind of lie and the goal could be any. Sometimes a lie does not deserve attention, sometimes forgiveness. Everyone makes a choice who, when, and why lie and who to forgive for lying. But in life, truth is always valued higher, whatever it may be.

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5 ways to randomly force everyone to hate you

Psychologist David Wong believes that the reasons for this behavior is always there. It turns out that it is possible to inflict the most severe mortal offense on a person and not even notice it.

5. You are silent, therefore, you ignore.

For those of us who are not too easy to communicate with others, silence seems to be the best option. If you are an introvert, you most want that other people simply shut up - and you are happy to offer them the same reciprocal service. Therefore, when confronted with a colleague in the mall, you prefer to slip past him, and not spend it and your time on a useless conversation. And, most likely, hear about yourself after: "Here's a goat!"

What is the problem?

This is the most frequent mistake in communication with which I come across. You did not react to the invitation to the party. You did not answer their funny message with a bunch of emoticons. You did not wish them a happy birthday. Now they are upset, and you are confused - well, who would have thought that silence is an insult?

Many think so. And for them this insult is one of the most terrible that can be imagined.

Imagine - you sent a resume for a new job. Which is better - to receive a letter with a refusal or not to get any response at all? Of course, rejection is bad, but the absence of an answer indicates neglect, which is a thousand times worse. Similarly, some people perceive your unwillingness to talk to them.

Remember the old saying: "Hatred is not the opposite of love. Indifference is the opposite. "

So keep in mind ...

The whole thing is in power.

People you refuse to communicate with, think that this way you demonstrate your superiority over them. And if you used to find it strange that someone thinks that everyday everyday interaction is a struggle for power, I congratulate you, today you discovered something incredibly important about the world.

4. You showed your superiority.

Imagine this situation: at the weekend you took a pretty girl to a suburban restaurant, and when you drove it home, your car suddenly died down, you had to call the tow truck and pay for repairs, but the girl was with you all this time, even stayed with you for the night, and, it seems that everything is going well with you.

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And on Monday you have a cooler telling this wonderful story to a colleague. But for unclear reasons, the guy after that starts to avoid you. And you sincerely wonder why.

What is the problem?

You demonstrated your superiority, although you did it on purpose. This is one of those things that we do all the time accidentally.

You told your story about a restaurant, a girl, a broken car and expensive repairs to a guy who has not met with anyone for two years, lives with a disabled mom on the outskirts, spends almost all the money for medicines and doctors for her and every day gets to work with two transfers by bus.

Your story he took as banal boasting and an attempt to show how happy and successful you are, unlike him.

So keep in mind ...

It always works: one of the interlocutors will be prettier, more successful, smarter, more attractive, they both will know about it, but none of them has the right to mention it.

For many of us, uncertainty about our own "rank" is an open wound, so for the success of communication, those who are "above" have to belittle their dignity. Did you notice that pretty actresses often say that they are horrible in all the photos?

The trap is that we often do not realize that in this particular situation we have superiority over others. We just may not know that a person somewhere has such an "open" wound.

But remember - the fact that you hit someone by accident does not change anything. Any of your interactions with a person that leads to a decrease in his self-esteem are against you.

3. They think you owe them.

Have you ever been with such that after the parting, your former partner pathetically exclaimed: "How can you throw me like this? And this is after all that I have done for you! "

Or you refuse to render service to a friend for a reason that seems quite respectful to you (for example, you can not help him with the move, because you are working on that day), and then you find out that your friend is mortally offended by you.

What is the problem?

There is a high probability that these people are angry with you, because you refused to pay a debt, the existence of which you did not even guess. This strange pattern works in most relationships: at some point, both partners begin to think that the other party has something to do with them.

This happens in many unlucky families. His wife thinks: "This guy was a lonely man, before I found him, who knows where he would be if I had not saved him! Probably long ago he would have died. " Meanwhile, her husband thinks differently: "I am the breadwinner, I gave her a good home, if not for me, she would contact with some scumbag who would beat her. Perhaps to death! ". Everyone considers himself in a relationship as a martyr who sacrifices everything for the sake of an ungrateful partner.

The same can happen in your work - everyone in your department thinks that it is thanks to his heroic work that the company is still floating, and the boss thinks that he is just feeding a whole crowd of idlers. Employees are shocked and insulted when the firm heartlessly announces layoffs, and management is shocked and offended when either of you leaves without an explanation of the reasons.

So keep in mind ...

The main thing is that in each individual case another person desperately wants you to be indebted to him. Because it again gives him power over you (who has more power - from the bank or from the borrower?)

But he can not explain why he sees you as a debtor - he is just angry when you refuse to "pay". Here is another obvious reason why someone is angry with you "without any reason."

2. You spend their time.

You just sent the boss an e-mail with a simple question or a couple of your thoughts, but she somehow was terribly enraged. Here's an unbalanced bitch!

Then, in the evening, you decided to spontaneously drop into your old friend's house and chat, but this bastard was not at all pleased with you and even tried to get you out of the way as quickly as possible. Well, so, for what?

Or, for example, you post on the wall in the social network of your acquaintance a touching congratulation on his birthday, and he does not even bother to answer. Is this normal at all?

What is the problem?

In general, you probably already guessed what the whole thing is. The boss was too busy, since he simply had a job at work. Your friend had to make dinner and bring home some work - he had no time to listen to your stories about how you watched the Big Bang Theory yesterday and had a beer before midnight. And the last guy received about a hundred more such heartwarming congratulations and he did not have the hands to answer everyone personally.

It's not that they wanted to assert their superiority over you with their anger: "I'm so important and busy, and you're just the last slave in the queue to see me." On the contrary, they feel helpless, as you become one of the people who are trying to steal their already limited time. That's why they are angry with you. Of course, you can object: "Employment is not an excuse to behave like the last asshole." Similarly, a millionaire could tell a homeless person who lost the last pair of shoes, that this is not an excuse to get upset.

I will tell about myself. My last article collected 6 million views, and almost every one of these people left a comment or sent me a personal letter, a message on facebook, twitter and even on the phone so I helped with their problems. I could not do this physically and I had to disappoint many people who hoped for my help.

Now raise your hands to those who really feel sorry for me. So I thought, practically nobody. Now you are annoyed at me, because you think that I am bragging - just like in the fourth paragraph ("oh, I'm so famous, just star all star!"). In this and all the salt: there is no good way to explain to another person that you do not have time for it. This always means having more important things than he.

So keep in mind ...

A person who is currently so laconic with you or ignores your calls is in a desperate situation. What you perceive as arrogance and a demonstration of superiority on his part, he sees as a personal impotence.

Remember that you are only one of the links in the chain of other people's interactions. Therefore, keep in mind that you will always have to pay for your "predecessor," even if it seems to you that you should not do this.

1. You think that everyone is happy with everything.

This is, perhaps, the case that can sneak up on each of us. The problem can arise between roommates, friends, spouses and even entire peoples.

In the office, for example, there are some new meaningless demands - for example, "From today no one can adjust the thermostat without asking the permission of the boss."

And your girlfriend suddenly decides that Friday will no longer be "evening pizza", although up to this year and a half she liked everything.

You have an idea - everything went fine, the system worked as intended, and suddenly they put forward these ridiculous demands. And then you say something like:

"Why are they rocking the boat now, when everything went so well?"

"Why do they complain, because we always did!"

"I have no problems, it's you who shout!"

What is the problem?

Let's look at a simple example. In many young families there is a so-called conflict because of the toilet seat. The reason for this is that a man completely ignores the needs of women. He does not want to make her life worse, he does not hate her or anything in this spirit. The seat is where it is supposed to be, everything is in order. He simply refuses to acknowledge this as a problem.

You find yourself embroiled in a conflict, not even suspecting that this is a conflict. You will not pay attention to it until it's too late. The governments of entire countries have fallen in this way.

Again a little about myself. Being a Christian, I have long thought that Christianity is supposed to be by default. The whole world was divided into Christians and eccentrics. I was shocked when I found out in college that some people were offended if they called their recovery after the operation a "miracle." "No, this is the result of a three-month painful rehabilitation, the intensified work of very expensive doctors and the help of loving parents who have settled into three jobs to pay everything," they answered. "Well, yes, yes, burn in hell, hippies are atheists," I grinned to myself.

But this is what happens in all spheres of life. When a painful social question arises, there is always a group of people like me, those who are surprised that another group is unhappy with the "normal" state of things. "We do not want to offend anyone, we just want everything to remain as it is," - the usual justification of such people.

So keep in mind ...

It is easier to turn out to be a wrong party in such a conflict than you think. You like to sit at home on weekends, and your girlfriend prefers active rest. After a year of unsuccessful attempts to drive you off the couch, she surrenders, and you think that the relationship has finally started to develop well. At this time, she thinks about how to break with you most painlessly. "But why, it was still great!"

Yes, it was, but only for you. You did not feel your superiority, because this is a normal property of power - its carrier feels it as the norm. Unlike other participants in social interaction.

Of all the traps on the list, this is the worst, because you can make others hate yourself without even knowing it. To avoid it, you need to be watchful all the time. It's difficult, but the number of people screaming at you will decrease significantly.

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18 myths about happiness

Here are the 18 most common myths, illusions and misconceptions about our happiness, written on the basis of one of the chapters of Andrei Zhalevich's book The New Philosophy of Prosperity. Fundamental principles of success, harmony and happiness. "

Here are these myths:

THE 1ST MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Happiness depends on something external

Reality: even during the Second World War, the world-famous psychologist Viktor Frankl, being a prisoner in a German concentration camp, proved that our internal psychological and spiritual attitudes depend only on ourselves. With his personal example, he proved that a happy person can be even where it was considered simply impossible.

2nd MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Happiness is acquired

Reality: happiness is our inner state, this state can not be acquired, it can only be acquired. As it is sung in a beautiful song: "For happiness you need very little - for happiness you only need to believe in God ...". In order to be happy, you do not need anything outside. To do this, you just need to firmly within yourself decide to become and be happy within yourself, in your heart and your Soul.

3rd MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
More consumption - more happiness

Reality: world statistics showed just the opposite. In countries with the highest level of consumption in the world, more unfortunate people live, most of all mental disorders, perversions and suicides. According to international statistics, most people consider themselves happy in such very poor countries as India and Nepal. Conclusion: "Happiness is not out, but inside us!"

4th MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Happiness fleeting

Reality: fleeting only is the happiness that we make due to something external, depending on some external conditions or circumstances. Present, true happiness, found in our Soul, in the depths of our hearts is eternal and enduring. It is not conditioned by anything and does not depend on anything. All the rest, on the contrary, depends on this state.

5th MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
From life you need to take everything

Reality: not everything, but only the best! Life gives you everything you need for a happy journey along our life path. We already have everything we need. As necessary, will come and what may in life and on the way will be needed. Of course, it will not come by itself, you need to make some efforts, but it will come ... And "Take everything from life"! Is an erroneous and rather dangerous theory based on a cult of consumption.

6TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Enjoy life when we do this and that, when we reach that and that and that

Reality: you need to enjoy the current moment, you need to be happy right now, and not wait until we achieve something, achieve something. Achieving something and achieving something, in general doing something, being unhappy, performing this or that work without joy, enthusiasm, love, without happiness, we deprive ourselves of our energy, we de-energize our soul and, as it were, not was sad, we can not wait, the "happy" in our opinion the moment when it will be possible to become happy.

7TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
To succeed and become happy, you must hurry

Reality: happiness is enough for everyone! Never, nowhere, in any hurry is not only not necessary, but also harmful. Haste, haste, vanity generates in us aggression to the energy of time, violates its natural course and thereby deprives us of time. Notice that without hurry, without haste, without fuss we always manage to do more and better than hurrying and hurrying. Be happy slowly!

[caption id="attachment_928" align="aligncenter" width="300"] myths about happiness[/caption]

8TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Problems and crises are bad

Reality: problems and difficulties are what help us to forge our character, temper our happiness, purify it of conditioning, make it true, truly independent of anything external. Problems and difficulties help us, first, to see contrasts in order to understand our happiness even more. And, secondly, they help us to learn how to be happy even in difficult periods, even in the most difficult life situations. Problems sooner or later will pass, and our "tempered" happiness will remain! Therefore, in fact, the worse the conditions and the more difficult the circumstances for our person, the better for us as a result, for our Soul. Be happy!

9TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Someone is to blame for being unhappy

Reality: in that someone is unhappy no one is to blame. The acquisition of happiness depends only on ourselves, not on our loved ones, on our friends and colleagues, on our bosses, on the leadership of the city, on the government of our country, on weather and climate, on any, even the most terrible or most beautiful external conditions, but only from ourselves. Be happy!

10TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
It is necessary to forget your negative experience

Reality: our negative experience, mistakes made by us, in the troubles we have been in - this is our most valuable experience, which can only be imagined. One should never forget about it, but, on the contrary, it must always be remembered. But we need to change our attitude to how we consider "bad" and "not good" in our past. We can not change our past, but in our power to rethink it, change its attitude towards it. And since the past and the future are closely interrelated, how well, with joy and love, we will treat our past, to all events of our past, so good and bright we will have the future.

11th MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Happiness is a consequence of something good

Reality: happiness is not a consequence, but the cause is not something, but much good in our life. The energy of happiness and joy, manifested in us within, outward from us, contributes to the formation of external signs and attributes of happiness and prosperity in the external world around us.

12TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Success is uniquely fun

Reality: oh, not a fact! Not every success and not always this is cool. Any success influences us very much. And the impact of this influence can be both very positive and extremely negative. Recently, in psychology, such a concept as "the degree of defeat by success" began to be used. Psychologists began to say: how much harm to a person's success? Success is also a difficult test of a person for strength: can he remain a man, will he retain his human face and humanity? In addition to the person who achieved success, people around him change their attitude - and here, too, everything is not as smooth as it seems at first glance.

13TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
The fulfillment of desires always leads to happiness

Reality: not always and not all desires! Luckily it leads the fulfillment of reasonable desires, proceeding from the real needs and true needs of our body, mind and soul. The fulfillment of irrational or too egoistic, especially lower and animal desires, on the contrary, leads to misery, grief and suffering. In addition, there is such a regularity: in place of one fulfilled desire there are two new and so infinite. Desires should always be managed.

14TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Always need to be afraid of something

Reality: there is nothing that really a person should be afraid of. Fears deprive us of happiness, joy, deprive us of energy, deaden us. To be happy, we need to be freed from the fears that chill our souls. We need to see the absurdity of the idea itself of being afraid of something. Remember how ridiculous those situations look, those things, all that we once feared. Believe that it will be exactly the same with our present fears, we will laugh with them. So why wait for this moment!

15TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Could be better

Reality: not a fact! Now I will say one, maybe for the modern world heresy, but: all that we see, everything that surrounds us, everything that we have, absolutely everything that now exists is the best option of what could be with us, this is the most the best that could happen to us! The rest, undoubtedly, could be even worse, but thanks to the heavens it did not happen or did not happen. All only for the better! It is necessary to understand, understand and thank life for what is! Here is something that can be better (in the future), if we deserve it - this is true. But only if we deserve it! Be happy!

16TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Do not think about tomorrow

Reality: Just the opposite, it's worth thinking about tomorrow, but you can not worry, worry, worry, fear the future. Fear of the future is one of the most common factors of problems in our life. The fear of the future is aggression towards our future, and in response to our aggression, time contracts, depriving us of the future. Believe me: everything will be fine! Be happy!

17TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
Life is short, we live one life that will soon end

Reality: life is eternal, we live not one, but many lives, being born again and again, incarnating in different times, in different places, in different people. This ancient concept, forgotten by many, has been used for almost a hundred years by the most progressive psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and researchers of our consciousness. But be happy now!

18TH MYTH OF HAPPINESS:
There is no happiness in life

Reality: there is happiness and it is in us! Be happy!

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