How to effectively change someone else's opinion

During our life, we are faced with a variety of situations when we feel the need to change someone's opinion about something.

When someone resists changing their opinions about something, it will not necessarily mean that these people are stubborn or irritable, but may simply mean that their belief system contains something that prevents them from believing you.

In order to be able to change someone else's opinion about something, you need to understand how these people think, what they believe, and how you can put your idea into their belief system with minimal resistance.

Step-by-step guide to change someone else's opinion:

• Drop the bomb. Begin by expressing your argument directly, clearly and briefly. For example: "What you did yesterday was wrong."


• Draw a map of defense lines in your mind. As soon as you speak out against someone’s beliefs, people will start arguing, offering many excuses for their actions. At this moment you must be silent, listen and remember what they say. As in many other cases, listening is crucial to success. These arguments are called lines of defense, because as soon as you penetrate into them, it will be easy for you to change a person’s opinion.


• Debunk their arguments, one by one, in the same order. The mistake of many people in trying to convince others is that they are too focused on the main thing, not realizing that if they could get rid of many of the arguments of the opponent, the path for conviction would be immediately opened. Do not try to seize the castle with one blow, go around from the side, soldier after soldier, until you are ready to make a big hole in the wall.


• There may be new arguments and this is normal. If you have successfully coped with the refutation of all the proposed arguments, a person can dig a little deeper and find a couple more arguments in their favor. At this point, you should not lose hope, but rather to understand that what you expose really works. They end up with arguments, and they resort to using strategic reserves.


• Answer the final arguments. You must again respond to the opponent’s last arguments, giving him valid reasons that prove him wrong.


• Repeat your opinion, and it's done. As soon as they answer you: “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”, repeat your main idea again many times, and they will believe you. For example: "you know what's wrong, why did you do it?"

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Some things that can help you change someone else's opinion:

Of course, this process is not so simple, and you will not be able to convince someone that their arguments are not true unless you sound convincing. This will not happen if you:

• Be realistic. No one will believe in something willy-nilly. Your point of view should be based on reality. No matter how many times you repeat your opinion, if it is not based on truth, no one will buy it.


• Prepare in advance / offer solid evidence. As in many other cases, preparation is key. Among other things, another person needs stronger evidence than what he himself has to believe you.


• Confirm your arguments with facts. Use statistics, numbers, research results, or even quotes from authoritative figures to sound more convincing.


• Use public evidence. Allow the person to understand his wrongfulness, setting as an example many other people with opposing convictions. The theory of public evidence is based on the fact that at the time of confusion, people tend to stick to what most do.


• Repeat. The more you repeat your arguments, the more convincing they become. If you manage to attract a friend who also confirms your arguments, then the likelihood of changing the opinions of others is much higher.

In conclusion, changing one's opinion consists in removing all the obstacles that people hold in their belief system, one by one, and then repeating their ideas again and again.

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How to properly respond to criticism

People react to criticism in different ways. Someone learns from her and treats her calmly. But for some, it is a problem that causes anger, excuses, self-doubt and a fall in self-esteem. How to prevent this problem? How to respond to criticism? How to make criticism benefit us, not bitterness and suffering?

Rule 1 - Calm down and watch

Do not give in to the very first reaction your mind and emotions give rise to. Yes, criticism can be unpleasant, and I know it. Sometimes, having heard such criticism, we feel that our works did not receive an adequate assessment, that our personal qualities were questioned. Differences between one's own expectations and the opinions of other people give rise to unpleasant dissonance: resentment, irritation, bitterness and anger provoke a reaction of desperate defense or aggressive attack on a criticizing person. There is nothing strange and surprising in this, because we are forced to act by the protective psychological mechanisms hidden in us by nature.

When we hear negative criticism, we unconsciously see a threat not only in relation to our social status, but we also feel a danger to the ideas about our “I” that have taken root in us. In general, we do not like it when people say that we are not used to thinking about ourselves.

Therefore, it happens that we passionately and violently react to criticism. It can be said an automatic psychic reaction. But where there is automatism, there is not always a place for common sense and understanding. Anger and resentment narrow the field of your perception , they rivet all your attention only on yourself: you think much more about how to protect yourself from criticism or how to find weak points in this criticism than about how much it can help you .

But if you calm down and relax, wait out the first stormy wave of emotions, then your perception will become free from stunning feelings, and you will see many more that you have not seen before. For example, the fact that in a critical assessment, albeit too subjective, there is a grain of truth. And if you take it into account, in the future it will help you to avoid many mistakes. Or, on the contrary, you will understand that the remark was completely unfair, and the person who expressed it was in a bad mood, which provoked him to a negative assessment of you and your work.

A calm mind can see much more and think much more constructively than a mind subject to strong emotions.

Therefore, before you go into the controversy or respond to an e-mail containing unpleasant information about your work, try to calm down. There are many different techniques that will help you quickly pull yourself together and restore spiritual balance:

• Slowly count to ten


• Take a few deep slow breaths


• Write down all your thoughts and describe all your feelings on paper before answering. What do you feel? What do you think? Throw it out on paper, not on man.

These are good and effective techniques that will help you "wait out" the first reaction and relax.

But I like in this case (if time allows) just to watch your mind. See how he worries and rushes under the heat of the fire of my wounded self-importance. How he becomes biased, ceases to understand, and freezes in a militant stance in order to rush on the offender. As he showered me with a heap of flattery and self-justification, to make criticism less painful ...

Instead of giving in to the first reaction, just calmly watch her. As soon as you notice that your mind has again come up with tricky ways to protect yourself from the attacks of criticism, turn your attention back to observation. So you will not only see how the violent reaction gradually weakens and fades away, you will also learn a lot about yourself, how your mind behaves, how your mind works. You will learn much more from passionless observation of yourself than from all psychology textbooks combined!

But do not somehow condemn this reaction of your mind. Remember, there is nothing bad in it, because it is natural. We are so arranged by nature that we can react to criticism in a similar way. Therefore, treat this reaction with love and understanding, but at the same time, try not to succumb to it, but remain a spectator who is not involved in the performance.

If you learn this, it will be much easier for you not to succumb to any emotions (anger, irritation), you can not react to them immediately, but use the time to come to the best solution to the problem you are faced with. This skill is very useful in life. It will help you avoid many quarrels, scandals and just difficult situations. You will see that the first reaction is the strongest in only a few seconds: it is worth holding this time, not giving in to the first wave, as it will be much easier for you to pull yourself together.

Rule 2 - Use criticism as an opportunity to become better

Criticism is not always a reason to drop your dignity or offend you. It can serve as a reliable assistant who will point you to your weaknesses or weaknesses of the project you are working on. It is not very right to stop your ears and resist when such an assistant talks to you. But this is exactly what people who violently react to criticism are doing.

If you listen to this helper, you will learn a lot about yourself and, possibly, become a better person! If criticism points you to your weaknesses, which you can improve, then this is not a reason to be upset! After all, you are most likely to say thanks to the person who will tell you in time that your car has faulty brakes. You will immediately take the car to the service and, possibly, save yourself health or life. Why is it so difficult for us to accept disapproving criticism about ourselves?

Take it with gratitude and apply for the benefit of yourself! And be sure, almost any personality traits can be developed . Therefore, do not take criticism as a verdict and reproach yourself!

But, what if criticism is aimed at those qualities that you cannot change? Moreover, there is no reason to worry about it! What is the sense of grieving about what you can not fix? Learn to accept the circumstances as they are.

Rule 3 - Ask for details

Sometimes it is necessary to clarify the criticism. First of all, thank the person for his critical comment. Then you should make sure that you understand him correctly: you can clarify some aspects of his remarks. For example: “what do you mean by the absence of references to sources”, “give an example, please!”

This will help not only to gain time, but also to clarify, detail the criticism and change your reaction to it. For example, at first it seemed to you that the quality of your work in general is being questioned, but after clarifying the critical comment, you were convinced that only a particular aspect of your work was said: “Well, I will give an example. In the section "software" you have no analysis of the sources on which you relied. In the section "technical solutions" I also did not see a detailed analysis. As for the remaining 12 sections, analysis is enough there. ”

You must agree that such criticism is much easier to accept than the general statement “in your work you do not refer to sources”. People tend to summarize, so ask them to clarify their comments and confirm with specific examples. The same applies to life situations, not just workers. Instead of arguing with your wife because she called you irresponsible, ask her in what situations you are irresponsible and how often such situations occur. Ask her for examples. It is always easier to agree with examples than with abstract accusations. You can not argue with the facts, they help to dot the i. Maybe you find out that you really do not show much responsibility regarding your life, and you need to change something. Or will you come to that that the facts of irresponsible behavior are exaggerated by your spouse, they are isolated. And in many situations you remain serious and decisive.

This tactic will help not only to clarify what the critic has in mind, but will also allow you to take time out in order not to succumb to the first reaction, which can be the most destructive when you do not have time and opportunity to relax and calm down.

Rule 4 - Listen to the criticism

When you listen to someone’s criticism, just try to listen to it! It should not immediately after the first words come up with what to answer and how to defend. So you can miss some important details in the words of the critic and look silly by answering him. And, of course, you should not interrupt the interlocutor, trying to give him your answer. Listen to him carefully to the end, it will help you better understand the words of another person, as well as collect your own thoughts to answer in the most appropriate way. Take a short pause to ponder his words. No one will wake you up for judging; on the contrary, you will show respect for someone else’s point of view. You took her time, thought it over, and not just said what the first thing came to mind.

And the more calmly and thoughtfully you answer, the less inadequate criticism you will hear in response, and it will be easier for you to accept criticism. Curb your ego, but also do not insult the ego of the one who criticizes you, treat criticism with respect. If two ego mates in a duel, then a catastrophe can not be avoided. Mutual respect, listening skills do not allow this collision to occur.

Rule 5 - Make sure the criticism fits its subject

Sometimes you should make sure that the one who criticizes you has understood the subject and purpose of your work well. For example, often on this site I get critical reviews about my articles. Many of them really help me write better. But others seem to be aimed not at my article, but at another, which I did not write. For example, a person may criticize what I did not indicate in the article. This may occur for various reasons. I could not very well explain my point of view. Or the reader did not understand it very well. Perhaps he was just too lazy to read the article to the end, but he had a desire to criticize it. I react to such criticism in different ways. Sometimes I try to figure out what caused it. Maybe I’ve really misunderstood something, and I should reformulate my thoughts. Sometimes I just pass by without answering

Therefore, before reacting to criticism, you should make sure that it is addressed specifically to your work, and not to the distorted image of this work in the head of the critic. You do not need to get involved in a dispute about work that you did not do and react to such criticism with insult. After all, it is not addressed to your work, but to some distorted representation of it in the head of the critic. And this image may have little to do with the actual subject: do not take it personally. A person could come up with something himself, and then criticize what he came up with, thinking that he condemns your work. Do not give in to this illusion.

Also, this criticism must take into account the objectives of this work. For example, it is not very smart to criticize a washing machine for not sending SMS from it.

Rule 6 - Get rid of the installation that you need to be perfect

Get rid of the belief that you should be perfect, and your work should be done the first time. If all people did their job perfectly, then there would be no need for collective work, meetings and the exchange of ideas. People are forced to support each other, discuss the results of joint work, make suggestions and point out mistakes. Even the most senior managers do not make important decisions alone. Because they know that every person is wrong.

Learn to calmly treat your mistakes and shortcomings. No matter how hard you try to do something, no matter how ambitious goals you set for yourself, no matter how sensitive you are about your tasks, there will always be room for mistakes, imperfections. We are all human and we are all limited by our knowledge, experience, and convictions. And the more we think about what should be perfect, the further we move away from ourselves perfection! What we fear will eventually become our reality! Rejecting criticism, rejecting everything that does not correspond to our idealized ideas about ourselves, about our work, we refuse to learn. We refuse to get better. We refuse to move towards perfection. The vitality of our illusions and precarious ideas about ourselves becomes more important for us than any development.

I will tell you about how destructive these attitudes can be in the next paragraph, giving an example from life.

Rule 7 - Do not argue with someone else's impression, listen to him

Several years ago in one forum I saw a request from one participant to evaluate his online project. The idea of ??the site was curious. But the implementation was quite low: small print, lack of paragraphs, confused style of presentation of information, difficulty with navigation, completely ugly design, lack of optimization.

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Critics voiced all these shortcomings, showed examples of successful sites and made suggestions on how and what needs to be fixed for the site to become popular. That is, the criticism was aimed more at help than at denigrating the work of this person.

But the author of the site stubbornly disagreed with criticism. He said that the font and navigation is actually normal, and the site does not need to be improved. And the critic, in his opinion, was simply mistaken in his assessments.

But in your impression you can never be mistaken! If on someone your work produces a repulsive effect, then this effect is what it is. If someone says that he is uncomfortable reading the text on your presentation or his eyes are straining the colors of the design you have developed, then he most likely does not deceive you. Yes, this impression may change with time, but now it is just that and, most likely, not just. If you are doing work for people, and not to admire it alone, then, especially, it makes sense to listen to the opinions of people.

The author of the site I was talking about could listen to the opinions of those who tried to help him make the site better for the public and, perhaps, win over his loyal readers. But in order to do this, he needed to get rid of the installation, that the result of his many months of work had to be perfect. But he was convinced of the correctness of his assessment, that he knows everything better than other people whose impressions are “wrong”, and no one except him can appreciate his work. From the very beginning, he did not want criticism, despite his request. He wanted to get only praise for the work done. And in sacrifice to his self-conceit and stubbornness, he brought a potentially successful project. His site no longer exists.

Rule 8 - Use someone else's opinion to complement the perspective.

Different people think differently. They see the situation differently. They notice what others do not notice and, on the contrary, do not see what you see. That is why we are forced to cooperate: our points of view complement each other, even if, at first glance, it seems that they are in conflict.

It is like looking at the same point on the landscape, but from different sides. You are standing on a hill from the north, and your colleague surveys a point from a plain in the south. You see the landscape above: the roofs of houses, the peaks of the towers, but you are not aware of the actual height of the buildings. Whereas, if you look at them from below, your eye will notice more precisely how much buildings differ in height from others. And the contradiction generated by a look from different perspectives is only imaginary.

Open cooperation, readiness to accept someone else's point of view gives the volume, depth and completeness of the problem under consideration, be it your relationship, your work or you yourself.

Rule 9 - Rate the Situation

Ask yourself: who criticizes you? Maybe this is a man who from the very beginning was opposed to you? Or one who feels important when he criticizes others? Or is it your friend who loves you and wants to help you? Depending on the answers to these questions, your reaction to criticism will change.

Also ask yourself questions: why are you being criticized? Fair criticism or not? Do you understand me correctly? Did I give any reason to criticize me? Perhaps you will understand that it is not clear that they conveyed their thoughts, which caused an adverse reaction. Or your work does contain some flaws that you can fix, instead of convincing everyone that it is perfect.

Rule 10 - Give thanks for your criticism. Use it as an ego trainer.

Before you rush into controversy, mentally thank the person who criticizes you. After all, criticism helps you to become better! I already wrote that it points to your mistakes and helps you avoid them. But not only truthful and polite criticisms can be useful to you! Strange as it may sound, but the most useful criticism for you can be the most unfair and insulting!

On my site, some people sometimes leave impolite, offensive and unfair comments about my articles, sometimes passing on to my personality. But precisely such comments harden my ability to calmly respond to unflattering criticism, not to give in to my emotions. I call these comments: "simulator for the ego . " Only the most unflattering critic can awaken my Ego and leave me alone with him, see him at the highest point of passion and curb it. It is hard and not always successful. Sometimes, this struggle leaves a heavy emotional wounds. But if these wounds are left alone, let them heal, and the fire storming inside is extinguished, then sooner or later, flowers of experience, development and knowledge will appear in their place.

"Trained", which is immune to the insults of the Ego - a pledge of self-confidence , unshakable self-esteem and solid character!

I find it unpleasant to hear feedback from those who do not appreciate my work, like any other person. Especially if a lot of energy and moral strength are put into this work. But often it was from these reviews that I had a breakthrough in understanding: strong emotions did not let me forget what I was told, and I returned to these offensive words again and again. But gradually the veil of emotions subsided, and the truth was revealed. I have seen that even the most offensive criticism may contain some sound grain. The angry reaction of a person can be the result of his personal problems, but at the same time, it can be caused by something in me and point to something. Let his personal perception strongly distorted what he was trying to tell. But I can take his message and decrypt it, remove all unnecessary from it and use it for myself!

Therefore, remember that whatever criticism is: soft or aggressive, truthful or inadequate, motivated by love or hate, it can all be useful to you! You can find bits of truth in it. And even if you do not find it, it will harden and strengthen your ego. Therefore, always thank people for criticism (not necessarily in words, you can do it in your mind), because they do you an invaluable service, even if they themselves do not know about it!

Rule 11 - Access Statistics

Often criticism is subjective. Instead of losing your balance of mind because of the opinion of a single person, think about what other people think about the subject of criticism? If someone criticized your work, then find out how your other colleagues rated it. If someone criticized you personally, remember what your friends think of you. They communicate with you, love and respect you despite all your shortcomings. You may also ask yourself, what do you think about yourself and your work? You also have a great right to vote and to participate in these statistics! Often we are so much worried about the opinion of another person that we forget to ask ourselves what we really think about it.

Opinions are subjective, we all know this perfectly, but do not use this knowledge. Thousands of laudatory reviews about us and about our work can pass by us unnoticed by us. But a single negative review can deprive us of our mood for whole days! But such reviews will inevitably arise, especially if a lot of people value your work. (Remember the aphorism of Aristotle at the beginning of the article?) This is natural. You can't be perfect. You will not please everyone.

Rule 12 - Do not get involved in meaningless arguments

Try to listen to criticism, if it is reasonable, and just pass by it, if it is not true. It will save you time and nerves. In my article “ How to stop arguing, ” I wrote the following. When a person argues, his mind is completely focused on carrying out an attack on an opponent or on the implementation of the defense of his own point of view. He is not interested in truth, he either defends himself or attacks, being unable to understand and perceive. This makes it difficult to get the benefit of criticism and improve, and also gives rise to many unpleasant emotions.

Of course, senseless disputes should be avoided, but this does not mean that in situations where the public is waiting for your answer, you should silently accept any, even the most unfair criticism. Sometimes, however, attention should be paid to the shortcomings of criticism or to its incompatibility with its subject.

Rule 13 - React When Needed

In this article, I wrote about the importance of accepting someone else’s criticism, listening to it, and showing respect. But there are situations when criticism turns into rudeness and insult. And you need to respond to this in accordance with the situation. If someone insulted you on the Internet - pass by. If in real life someone regularly offends you, then it cannot just be silently tolerated. I hope that your wisdom will tell you how to deal with this situation.

The opinion of other people about you does not always stem from real facts. Sometimes it is only the result of their personal conjectures, the projections of their fears on you. It happens that people have a negative impression of your personality or your work as a result of a runaway impression, their tendency to generalize and not see the whole. Often the person’s opinion of you, expressed in criticism, is only his personal problem, not yours, even if there is some truth in this opinion.

Feel free to take this truth, use it for your needs. And leave all criticism and bitterness to the critic himself, let them stay with him!

Remember, the opinion about you exists only in the minds of other people and, more often, it remains there if you do not let it in yourself. Give people the right to carry in their heads any thoughts and opinions they want! Do not make a big deal out of the fact that this opinion is such and not some other.

But, nevertheless, one should not avoid reacting to all criticism. Sometimes you can be criticized just to cause your annoyance, or simply out of a desire to offend you. Such criticism can be intrusive and annoying, and you cannot leave it as it is, but respond.

In many situations, you still have to defend your opinion, cut off unfair attacks and defend yourself. If you had to do it, then do it with a calm heart, without undue resentment. Be persistent in defending your opinion, where the situation requires perseverance, without losing tact and listening skills.

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How to cheer yourself up?

The first way to cheer yourself up is your hobby. Set aside time for yourself and do what you love. Nothing is as happy as doing something you love. After a while you 100% will lift your mood and feel a taste for life. This method is very powerful and always works!

The second way to cheer yourself up is to pamper yourself with shopping. Surely you have things that you love very much, but do not often allow yourself for any reason. Bad mood is the case when pampering yourself is not what you can, but it is simply necessary.

Buy yourself a sumptuous bouquet of flowers, visit a cafe and have a cup of coffee, the price of which was previously unthinkable for you, or for a fire accident - buy yourself a quality chocolate or a delicious cake. Sweet always raises the mood, because it produces endorphins in the brain, and endorphins are considered to be hormones of happiness . Therefore, this method also always works. So eat on health.

The third way to cheer yourself up is a fun song. Turn on your favorite song and sing along! Just be sure to choose the joyful composition. Sad melodies will set on you even more longing.

The fourth way to cheer yourself up is to walk. Answer me the question: how long have you been in the park? And when did you leave the country for the last time? And at least just walked around the modest corners of your city? It does not really matter what time of the year it is now. Try to get out of the Internet, drop everything and allow yourself at least an hour of silence, in which you will surely hear yourself. Walk away from the city bustle and noise, give yourself a little rest, silence and unity with Mother Nature, and you will feel with your whole skin how the vital energy returns to you again.

The fifth way to cheer yourself up is anecdotes. Now on the Internet a lot of funny stories. Just browse the Internet and start reading funny jokes! Usually, after five funny jokes, the mood rises and a smile begins to appear on the face.

The sixth way to cheer yourself up is to dance! Dancing is my favorite way of cheering up. In any way, in the kindergarten, you all danced together "Dance of small ducklings" . So why do not you remember? And if you still start to "quack" where you want, it's generally wonderful! You will not only raise your spirits, but also be cheerful for many days ahead. Proven - it works!

The seventh way to cheer up this action . If your bad mood has a specific reason, try to eliminate it as soon as possible. Do not wait for the moment that the problem will be solved by itself. Pick yourself up and solve it. You yourself know perfectly well that there is a way out of any situation. Tell your friends about your problems, ask your friends to help you, think about what you can do yourself to solve this problem. The action will return to you self-confidence , and this will cheer you up.

The eighth way to cheer yourself up is to go to the movies or watch your favorite movie at home. Of course, you only need a comedy. Watching melodramas during a bad mood is highly discouraged. But a comedy is exactly what will definitely cheer you up. You can also find on the Internet funny videos involving animals, children. I also recommend that you familiarize yourself with the video section - positive thinking . There you will find many interesting things.

The ninth way to cheer yourself up is to please yourself with SPA procedures. You will not only be proud of your darling, but also your body, visiting the beauty salon and ordering your favorite SPA procedure, especially if earlier you regretted the money. To lift the spirits the whole body spa massage, spa manicure, spa pedicure, as well as wrapping and various spa programs for the face will perfectly help you. Believe that by allowing yourself such luxury, you will feel like a new person.

The tenth way to cheer yourself up is meditation . Details on meditations, you can find out by visiting the section Meditation and Intuition . A ten-minute meditation will help you regain strength and get rid of stress . During meditation, imagine that you are filled with the light of joy and happiness . It's a great way to cheer yourself up.

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The eleventh way to cheer up this creativity. Each of us has its own creative abilities. Try to find your talents! Try to paint a picture or write a verse, prepare a culinary exclusive - simply put, do what will bring you pleasure, and you will certainly feel much better.

The twelfth way to cheer yourself up is to distract your attention. This method is quite simple, but it is sometimes too lazy to perform. Look at some subject and focus on it all your attention. About yourself or out loud, describe this subject in all details. I do not know how you are, but this method works fine!

The thirteenth way to cheer yourself up is to do something useful. I do not mean a hobby. Eliminate a bad mood if you enrol in a gym, foreign courses or any other business that will provide you with new knowledge or skills. Why am I confident in this method? First, you simply will not have time for negative thoughts, and secondly, in this way you will increase your self-esteem , which also effectively and quickly drives away a sad mood.

The fourteenth way to cheer yourself up is to change your image. Sometimes, in order to cope with depression , you just need to refresh your image. For example, try changing your hairstyle to a more fashionable one. But this should be done with a proven master, and this is very important. And it can happen that the new image will not please you, but will aggravate your bad mood. But the quality-performed work of a hairdresser can for a long time provide you with a joyful mood and significantly raise your self-esteem .

The fifteenth way to cheer yourself up is playing with pets. It is well known that our pets are the best able to raise our moods. To do this, it will be enough to pet your cat or play with your dog in a Frisbee - and you will be in a good mood! If you do not have a pet, then go to the zoo or delphinium or just go out and feed the homeless animal. The mood of communication with animals necessarily rise.

The sixteenth way to cheer yourself up is a dream. Yes this is not a typo. The cause of a bad mood is often fatigue, fatigue. Sleep is the best way to regain strength. So allow yourself the luxury and go to bed. One hour of sleep during the daytime replaces four hours of night sleep. After you wake up, you will feel different - updated.

The seventeenth way to cheer yourself up is doing good deeds. People engaged in charity are much more satisfied with their lives. And it does not matter how much you sacrifice for the sake of others. Scientists have found that such people are much more likely to notice and appreciate all the good things that are in their lives. So join charitable foundations and organisations.

The eighteenth way to cheer yourself up is a cold shower. Yes, it works without fail. The fact that a cold shower is a stress for the body. That's just it's a useful stress. You will instantly feel vivacity after taking a cold shower, and the mood will increase in multiple quantities. So go ahead and with the song ... into the bathroom.

The nineteenth way to cheer yourself up is visualization. Visualization or dreaming always helped to cheer up. Surely you have goals that you want to achieve, but they are far away. So, not to wait for the moment when you reach your goal , just lay down on the sofa and start to imagine how you have already reached the goal. The fact is that bad mood, sometimes, is connected with discontent, which arose due to failure on the way to achieving the goal. For example, you were not promoted at work. In this case, you lie on the couch and begin to imagine how you were promoted at work. After that, you will have a good mood, and the next increase will be yours.

The twentieth way to cheer yourself up is to recall some pleasant moment from the past. Try to remember from your life an event through which you were truly happy. This method is very similar to the previous method, only in this case you do not come up, but remember the real events that happened to you. This way will make you realize that you are not such a loser as you thought. Pleasant memories from life always raise the mood.

The twenty-first way to cheer yourself up is to allow yourself to fool around. My most favorite way. You just stand in front of a mirror and start to make faces, make silly sounds, rush around the apartment as a three-year-old child. And do not care what others think. Just start fooling around. This is the most powerful way to elevate yourself to the mood. And if you still find yourself a partner who will make faces with you, then ... I will not even speak.

In fact, there are more ways to increase your spirits than you are given in this article. Try to find your ways and share them with others, and you will notice that the world around you will become more joyful and brighter.

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How to get rid of parental negative programming

You were offered an excellent job, but you do not hurry to give consent. The domineering voice of his father warns: "Well, where are you going? You can not do it! You learned to tie your shoelaces for a year! ". And it does not matter that you are far beyond thirty, and the father has long lived a thousand kilometers from you. The installation "does not work" works!

We carry a lot of different programs on life, invested in our brain from early childhood: the vase broke - you are ALWAYS awkward! , refusal of the post - you will NEVER cope, loneliness - you are always looking bad, poverty - you will NEVER be able to earn, cold - you are ALWAYS sick, refusal - you ALWAYS do everything wrong! A lot of different installations from parents can ruin the lives of adult boys and girls.

How to rewrite negative programs?

To get rid of the parental settings, we use the counter-prescriptions and destroy the IMAGE of the installation (Warning! Not related to the image of the parents!).

1. Choose one of the settings from the parents that are the most exciting for you.

2. Listen to yourself. In which part of the body do you experience discomfort? How does this installation look in your body, what image does it take? What emotions, feelings causes? Not to be confused with desires!

For example: Installation - you - "armless"; Sensations in the body: heavy hands, edema, tingling; The image: prickly, heavy, metal mittens; Emotions and feelings: pain, depression, sadness, stiffness.

3. Test your image for truth. Strengthen it.

For example: Mittens have become leaden and huge, have grown together with hands. There is a feeling of greater depression and despair, I want to cry.

Conclusion: the image was selected correctly. If there is no connection between the image and the emotion, then you give out wishful thinking. Look for your image personally, to which you will emotionally react!

ATTENTION! To continue working with the image, return it to its original state.

4. Mentally extract your image from the body and put it in front of you.

5. Hardly, honestly, confidently say your counter-instruction (counter-command).

For example: I am clever (ah)! I have an excellent grasp! My hands obey me!

[caption id="attachment_881" align="aligncenter" width="274"] get rid of parental negative programming[/caption]

6. Hardly, clearly, confidently, calmly inform the image of your new decision. At this stage, the image either becomes positive, or decreases and crumbles.

For example: Heavy, metallic gloves begin to melt, spread over the tray, boil and disappear.

7. What has changed with the new settings? How are you feeling?

For example: There was a feeling of ease, confidence, the tingling in the hands disappeared, there was mobility in the joints.

8. If your image has not disappeared, but transformed into another ... positive, then let it approach you and take a place where there were negative prescriptions.

9. Think about how you will act now? Imagine how your life will change? How much will it be for your benefit?

10. Put your hand on your chest. Thank yourself for the work done and fix the result to exclude the possibility of returning to the previous installation.

How is it possible to consolidate the result?

If you are satisfied with the work done and are sure that this is for your benefit, you can safely negotiate with yourself for any period of time from 1 day to 100 years. If you do not yet know how you will feel with the new settings, then think about a shorter time interval from 1 day, and then - as your intuition tells you.

This technique will get rid of the most persistent and most "uncomfortable" installations, such as parental instructions. Having mastered the simple rules of working with the image, you can feel yourself really an adult and a free person, you can live a more interesting, rich and delicious life.

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How to Stop Judging

Whether it is a fatal desire for perfection, a chronically bad mood or a love of attacking other reasonable (and unreasonable) forms of life, many people share a common misfortune - a painful desire to condemn. For some, this pleasure, others understand the viciousness of what is happening (but cannot always resist), most of the "patients" do everything unconsciously, never asking unnecessary questions. What is this psychotropic attack?

The essence of the phenomenon

Assessments and judgments about the world around us are an integral part of human consciousness. Without a critical assessment of reality, it is impossible to survive. But the consciousness does not regret to dwell only on the most important things - it continues to work constantly, evaluates everything around, and condemns. It happens around us all the time. The announcers in the TV indignantly talk about the intrigues of the capitalist countries. Evil gossip densely flowing along the corridors of organizations. And even the most charming, educated person, no, no, yes, scolds someone with an unexpected passion.
To condemn is natural and even fun, it is an inevitable part of life, both personal and social. Everything is good and safe, as long as you keep a sense of proportion, but it's worth it to let you down - they start problems.
The first is to express a peculiar aura of alienation. The people around are cool to people with an overabundance of negativity and criticism in behavior, even if gloomy manifestations do not affect them directly. Bad mood is transmitted - from the source will want to move away. Your negative comments will inevitably lead to increased quarrels and constantly spoiling all available relationships. A thirst for condemnation, if people with similar inclinations meet, will lead to the formation of a "circle of gossips". Nobody likes them.

The second is much more serious because it will settle in your head. Excessive craving for condemnation at the same time nourishes the dark corners of your consciousness and is reinforced by them. Fear, envy, hatred, make their bearers condemn. A vicious circle will form, eternally hungry until new outbursts of negativity and destroying the life of its "carrier." In addition, you risk and health - you can feel bad and broken. Found out something familiar? Take countermeasures.

Cosmetic repair of behavior

The brains of most people are not saturated with such a black gloom of evil. Simply their languages willfully say a lot of superfluous. Are you one of them? Luck is on your side, the case is not at all heavy.

You need to train only in one - keeping the treacherous language in the conclusion behind your teeth. To begin with, practice the lightest situations, annoying you minimally. Try not to say anything negative and to avoid other signs of indignation (sighs, glances, characteristic facial expressions, unfriendly manipulations with objects). Mentally calm yourself, forgive others minor misdemeanors (give them a chance!), Do not be angry with things that change is not in your power. When little things stop annoying you, learn to keep balance in more serious cases. Gradually, without breaking your "vow of silence" you will begin to wean (namely!) From the addiction.

To endure it is absolutely impossible? Happens. In such cases, try to speak thinly, elegantly, replace the ramming blob of the negative with irony, sarcasm or, if it fits into your image, with black humor. It is possible that as long as you think, the thought, without finding a worthy exit, will die.

Do not forget to follow not only the speech, but also the text. You will hardly achieve the result, if in life, be silent in the least, and in your favorite social network terrorize acquaintances with terrible messages and comments.
Such self-treatment will not make you a saint, but the ability to control oneself is an extremely valuable and useful experience.

Work by yourself

Discovered the neglected problems? Do not despair. Willpower will allow you to change for the better. But do not expect anything simple. You will need to not only carefully follow the instructions from the "Cosmetic Behavior Repair", but go further. Think hard. Find in the depths of your consciousness the source of the devastating misfortune. Digging is in the darkest corners of your past. Ruthlessly, go over your unfulfilled dreams, unflagging grievances and all things that shocked you hard. Most likely, the reason for your bad, critical attitude is hidden somewhere there.

[caption id="attachment_834" align="aligncenter" width="225"] Stop Judging[/caption]

Examine the sorrow of past years with a penetrating gaze. They wanted to be a basketball player, but they only grew up to a meter and a half? No problem! But you are easier to choose clothes and fit in tight spaces. Too little money? Everyone has a chance. Find people with suitcases with currency in the dumps! Are all princes average and completely without horses? Apparently, the most chic somewhere lingered, but will soon arrive. In other words, give a lurking frenzy inside a despondency.

Then look for success in your life (big, small, or even future - it does not matter) and in every way tune yourself to increase self-esteem. Do something, for which you will receive the praise of your subconscious and, most importantly, those around you. And the more good and necessary you will feel yourself, the less you will want to condemn. The very need disappears.

The black cloud, which does not give you a sweet life, hides in the future? Are you tormented by the ghost of old age? Sandpaper thought that career growth is over, and not having begun? The coming end of studies and the failure of uncertainty are on? Other equally bitter truths that have risen on the horizon? Think of something. Comforting. Or act boldly, raking up garbage heaps of fate on the way to a better tomorrow. Condemnation of the living and lifeless within a radius of 100 kilometers, you just do not help yourself.

By malicious irony in some people the problem is not in a low, but too inflated self-esteem. If you are one of these heroes, try to tame your pride, comforting her with sweet thoughts. It's not necessary to shoot the royal crown! You simply can become a good king (queen) and do not abuse unreasonable smerds, but show mercy to them, warm them in the radioactive rays of your greatness.

Finally, take a look at your circle of friends. It is not excluded that those around you are detrimental to you, dragging you into gossip, thereby encouraging the darker sides of your consciousness. Try to spend less time with them, and if this is not possible, review the format of the behavior with such people. Naturally, a strong-willed effort must stop and generate gossip, even innocuous ones. Work on yourself can take a long time. Nut in front of you hard.

Hike to a psychologist

Are you absolutely sure that you will not be able to cure yourself? Go to a psychologist. These ubiquitous plumbing mental spaces, of course, are perfectly familiar with such a problem as the "obsessive pathological craving for condemnation." They will gladly try to help you, it is only necessary to make an appointment.
What is waiting for you? You are more or less accessible and convincing (depending on the specialist chosen) to explain how your negative view of reality poisons your own existence and leads to a dead end. And this will be the perfect truth, which, however, it is difficult to understand and apply independently. Having determined the degree (sad shades) of your problems, the psychologist will offer you some way, "course of treatment." And here you must understand the main thing - you will be offered an opportunity, not a pill. But it will still be your inner work, effort. There is no magic in the cabinets of psychologists.
Harm from communication with a psychologist will not be (except that financial costs), and the benefits are quite possible. In addition, such an adventure is always curious, you will learn a lot about yourself.

Religion and mysterious practices

Religion was the main spiritual food and medicine of mankind for thousands of years, and its ministers easily replaced psychologists.

Christianity, Islam, Judaism, unequivocally warn believers of the condemnation of their neighbors. The right to this is only the supreme, and the mortal, illegally appropriating it, brings to himself many misfortunes, preventing the creation of righteous relations with others and God. You can go deep into reading spiritual literature or turn to the priest for the answers and explanations you need. Unfortunately, most modern people are not that strong in faith. But if you are a happy exception - it will definitely help you.

World religions do not give you an answer? The globe is full of other ways of reaching spiritual heights. Mystical and mysterious. For example, you can do yoga - it, according to the adepts, brings perfection not only to the body, but to the mind. Having reached enlightenment, you are guaranteed to get rid of such a petty, bustling thing as the need to discuss someone.

The main thing in the spiritual quest is not to get on a slippery path, where Siberian sorceresses will lie in wait for you, psychics and even worse, sectarians.

Summary

Living in a modern, evil world, it is difficult not to snap at reality, not to give a blind surrender of reality, tormenting endless problems. But if you feel that such attacks of negativity in your life are happening more often, and you are weaker controlling them, turning into a vicious necessity, beat internal anxiety, fight. At stake is good weather in your soul and the way others will see you.

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How to recover and start a new life after a divorce?

Divorce is a difficult process, an inseparable part of which separation and separation. It seems that yesterday you had a family, you were part of something more. Yes, you constantly quarreled, swore, did not communicate with each other. But now you are left in absolute solitude and every day you are more and more depressed because you do not know how to start a new life after the divorce.

But just imagine how much all the new and beautiful you can meet now after the divorce. Of course, people tend to worry about the impending changes in his life, but this state will sooner or later pass, as soon as you learn how to recover from the divorce and start a completely new life. And then you realize and understand that a new life after a divorce can be full of joy, passion and adventure.

The hardest thing after a divorce is to realize and accept that everything will be different from now on, and a completely new life has begun, unlike the previous one. It will be especially hard during the first holidays after the divorce. After all, nothing recalls memories and awakens past feelings in the heart, like holidays held in solitude.

To understand how to survive after a divorce and start a new life, you must first stop being afraid of any changes. Your rehabilitation will begin with an internal adjustment to the fact that all the changes in the new life will be exceptionally pleasant and useful.

Tips from psychologists on how to start a new life

• Experts advise to take the following steps after the divorce, which will allow you to recover after parting with a man and maybe even start a new relationship after the divorce:


• First of all, you need rehabilitation. Just give yourself a little time to survive the divorce. If you feel sad, mourn. No person marrying, does not think about how to survive after the divorce. But just think - now, when this happened, you have become more experienced and wiser. You are already familiar with family life and you know how to recover from a divorce and start a new life. The main thing is not to start to regret anything, remember: everything that happened - for the better!


• Raise yourself a self-esteem and start loving yourself. After a divorce it is difficult to start a new life first of all because people start to look for a problem in themselves, to consider that the reason for parting in them. And the words "Who needs you will be so old and with children?", Abandoned by your man in a divorce, is not so easy to forget. But think what kind of person he is, if he allowed himself to say this to the woman who did so much for him. The best way to increase self-esteem is to take care of yourself, your new appearance, and also to find a new hobby.


• Remember yourself before your marriage. Try to revive in your old hobbies, from which you had to give up for the sake of the spouse. Then the question "How to become happy after the divorce and survive the depression after parting" there is a simple answer - go back to your past interests, goals and hobbies. Live for yourself, then you simply will not have time to be sad.


• Try to understand your feelings. Love is a beautiful feeling, but you've never divorced. Work on your feelings, if you need help - contact your friends or therapist, but in no case, do not try to muffle your feelings, otherwise they will slowly poison you from within and your new life.


• Time after parting is the best period for changes in life. Change your image, style, make a new hairstyle, update your wardrobe. Engage in more global changes in life: find a new job, change your place of residence, discover new talents in yourself. Or, perhaps, decide on a plastic surgery, if money and health allow. In addition, physical pain from surgical intervention can replace the heartache of betrayal. And postoperative rehabilitation will coincide with mental torment from divorce. In any case, change is the best way to survive depression after parting and start a new life.


• It is not necessary immediately after the break to rush to seek new love out of revenge for the former spouse or fear to remain alone to start a new life. Sometimes you need to spend some time alone to just think and realize what you really need from a new life.


• If you are still thinking about the question of how to start a new relationship after a divorce and find love, then the best advice is to try to experiment with taste. Try to make a new relationship with a man of an unusual type for you. That is, if before you liked modest quiet romance, then now try to start a relationship with a self-confident and maybe a slightly sassy man. Do not be afraid to experiment, perhaps, just so you will find your new love.


• To start a new life you will have to learn and fulfill all the duties that used to be on the wife. The first time, of course, it will be difficult, but with time you will succeed. For example, if during the marriage the husband was engaged in all financial issues, including earning, investing or somehow distributing money, then now you should learn how to earn well and properly manage assets. If you need help, do not hesitate to ask.

[caption id="attachment_824" align="aligncenter" width="303"] start a new life after a divorce[/caption]

What are the advantages of divorce?

Do not need to limp after parting. And the answer to the questions "how to become happy after the divorce" and "how to start a new life" is simple - do not be afraid of change, move on and hope that soon you will meet your new true love. Until then, you will have time to start living a new and wonderful life for a divorced person.

• Divorce is, first of all, a newfound freedom. You finally have time to devote yourself to a loved one, to do self-improvement, personal growth and development, to devote more time to achieving your new and old dreams and plans.


• Scientists have proved that all mental torment can be easily cured by exercise and fresh air. Now that you have a lot of free time, you can travel more often, get out on country trips or into the woods, start going to a fitness club, and go in for sports.


• If a divorce has occurred, when you are already in adulthood and you have children or grandchildren, then do not despair. After all, now you can devote every moment of your life to love and care for yourself and your beloved children, grandchildren, friends.


• Some people, having experienced serious emotional upheavals, including the break of relations with a loved one, discover the artistic talents in a new life. Someone begins to write poetry, prose, compose music, dance or draw.

Psychological techniques, how to start a new life

If your husband initiated divorce, then you need to use the following technique in order to start a new life:

• Clearly imagine in the mind the image of your ex-husband and remember all the pain, troubles and betrayals that he caused you. Try to understand what feelings he caused you?


• And now try to imagine that all the problems and difficulties were made by him at your request, to teach something new in this way.


• Refer to the image of the former spouse in your head, ask him what new things you could learn from all these difficult situations. Listen to yourself - and you will hear the answer to this question.


• Mentally express your gratitude to the husband for the fact that he has become a good teacher for you.


• Try to analyze what feelings you feel for him now?


• If the divorce took place according to your desire, but you do not know how to start a new life after that, then you need to perform the following technique:


• Try to imagine yourself in the place of your ex-spouse, feel all the pain and sadness that you caused him.


• Imagine that you did it at his own request to teach something in this way.


• Think about what exactly you taught the spouse and what you learned yourself, thanks to your relationship.


• Mentally express gratitude to the ex-spouse, praise him for being a good student.


• Analyze the new feelings experienced in relation to the former husband.


• A few tips on how to start a new life


• Do not discuss personal life after a divorce with new partners. If you decide to start a new life, then the topic of your divorce is not something that can be of interest to a potential partner.


• Do not be humiliated before the former spouse. Do not beg him to return, just try to start a new life without this person. Get rid of all the things that remind you of him in a new life after the divorce.


• Give yourself a break. To start a new life you need to recover morally, and this takes time. Try to start walking with friends more often or alone.


• Do not start a new life with a constant intake of alcohol. Even if it's hard for you, you do not need to stifle the pain with alcohol. Understand yourself - only so you can start a completely new life.

Most people, especially women, are afraid of divorce and do not know how to start a new life. One thing is certain: you can not despair and drop your hands, just find the advantages in life after the divorce. A new life after parting only begins. And whether it will be filled with happy moments and positive - depends entirely on you. Do not forget that life after the divorce has prepared for you many pleasant and surprising surprises.

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How to turn a divorce into the beginning of a new life

In our minds, the idea that divorce is a great tragedy for the family is firmly fixed. If the spouses divorced, it means "they could not keep the hearth".

The reason why a divorce can and should become the beginning of a new life, says a psychologist Roman Talanov.

Meanwhile, not all cases of divorce can be considered evil and even just an undesirable phenomenon. Today more than half of marriages end in divorces already in the first years after the wedding. And this is not surprising. Today it is an emotional comfort and intimate compatibility that are the basis of family relations, pushing aside the previous most important functions of marriage - the birth of children and the management of joint farming.

But love, it happens, quickly passes. In the family contradictions begin, mutual reproaches, quarrels, scandals, the spouses have intrigues on the side or even quite a serious relationship.

In addition, after the wedding and especially after the birth of children, the spouses begin to "manifest" in all their glory. On the surface come out genuine qualities that the loving second half could not have noticed before. This applies to both husband and wife. At some point, a "crack" begins to grow between the spouses, which often ends with a nearly complete "fault". Love grows into indifference and even into hatred or contempt.

In such a situation, divorce is an acceptable and sometimes the only way out.

The more self-sufficient and self-confident is a person (both man and woman), the less he fears divorce.

Save the family from the last forces, tolerating with betrayals and violence, with frank misunderstanding and disdain, people who are not confident in their own strength, in their attractiveness to the opposite sex, are trying to find that they can not find a new partner for themselves.

In fact, often the repeated relationships that come after the divorce, are much more harmonious and happier than the previous ones.

[caption id="attachment_821" align="aligncenter" width="350"] divorce into the beginning of a new life[/caption]

Having received a bad experience in their first marriage, yesterday's spouses already know what they want, and they are looking for a new partner, applying more precise criteria.

Of course, not all cases of divorce is painless, especially if the decision to divorce was taken by one spouse, while the second suited everything and he continued to love his partner. Leaving a husband or wife can be a real tragedy, which is very difficult to endure. In some cases, even the death of a loved one is easier to survive, since the withdrawal of a loved one to another partner is perceived as a betrayal.

Yesterday's spouses are in an unequal situation. While one who finds a new love, enjoys life and gets everything he wanted, the other husband can not find a place for himself from grief.

What to do?

• First, immediately occupy yourself to the maximum - find a job or even a second job, attend a gym, come up with some kind of hobby or socially useful thing. The less time you have, the less often you will return to the sad thoughts about your departed spouse, the reasons for what happened.

• Secondly, it is necessary "to start life from scratch". In some cases, it suffices to confine oneself to removing all photos and items reminiscent of an ex-spouse. In another, more difficult situation, only a complete change of the situation will help, up to moving to another apartment or even to another city.

However, this is still a very radical method. Most couples, divorced, remain in the same city.

The main thing in the situation of divorce is not to concentrate on the past.

As the well-known proverb says, "If from you the wife went to another, it is not known who was lucky". And indeed it is.

Divorce can be the starting point for a new, much more worthy and happier life than before.

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How to create a Happy Family?

Considering everything said in the article " Creating a happy family: psycho-physiological influence of a man and a woman against each other ", it becomes clear what is more important for creating a happy family - is to find out how he (a):

behaves towards the surrounding people;
performs his duties in the family.

and not how he (a) now, at the moment of acquaintance, presents himself.

How to do it?

For example, if he (she) has a brother and / or sister, then what kind of relationship do they have with each other and why did they have such relationships. After all, unlike the person you liked, you do not need anything from a brother or sister, and even on the contrary - you need to take care of yourself and do something completely unselfishly for them. Therefore, he (a) will behave with them as he will with you in a few years, when the sexual fervor and romantic note in your relationship will fade away.

Thin psychophysiology

No less important is the understanding of the subtle psychophysiology of men and women. To create a happy family, it is important to remember that when a guy chooses a girlfriend - he chooses his feelings, and when a girl chooses a guy - she chooses her goals and aspirations in life, then where she will go.

[caption id="attachment_773" align="aligncenter" width="302"] create a Happy Family[/caption]

AN UNDERSTANDING OF HAPPINESS AND A HAPPY FAMILY

Also, to create a happy family, it is important to understand the aspirations of your loved one, ie. what he (a) understands by the word happiness. After all, happiness is something to which everyone aspires, no matter what. Happiness is the meaning of life, and therefore the whole life! And if you live together, then it will be your life. Different people have different understandings of happiness, and therefore for the creation of a happy family it is important that the understanding of happiness for both is the same. And it will turn out like in that fable "Swan, cancer and pike" ... Each of them wanted the same thing - to move the cart, i.e. to become happy, but the ways and methods of this were different.

Motive

But the most important thing in creating a happy family and the biggest secret in choosing a close friend is the motive. That is how the other person sees and perceives you in his mind. Proceeding from this and knowing the instructions of the oldest scriptures on Earth - the Vedas - one can immediately easily determine the type, quality and depth of future relationships, i.e. what will come of it all.

Thus, as for the motivation for creating a happy family , in this case the "motive" is one of the types of love according to the bioenergetics of the human body. Simply put, a person has 7th basic energy centers, and in this case it means in which psycho-energy center he / she has a love for you. After all, in accordance with this, a certain type of harmony is created between the spouses, which during the whole of this life will be very difficult to change. Exceptions in this case are spiritually developing individuals, working on their own character traits and bioenergetics. But even it will be difficult for them to do and at best it will take several years.

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How to cope with monotony in life?

I've been thinking about the routine of our life here. I think every person at least once in his life felt such a feeling, as if life is frozen and does not change, there is no development, everything is boring and you do not want anything. The life of many people is like a vicious circle. Judge for yourself, we are from day to day, from year to year we perform the same, familiar for us actions. We spin around in a circle like a squirrel in a wheel and can not change anything. Work, home, family, work, home ... - stop at infinity of this wheel.

Gradually, the mire of the domestic marsh, from which it is simply impossible to get out for a number of reasons, drags us deeper and deeper. Life becomes a routine and ceases to please. Dissatisfaction with yourself and the surrounding world, constant grumbling, a negative attitude towards life, a sense of doom - and as a result - a prolonged depression and complete disappointment in yourself. But you can not live in a permanent negative! We need to somehow get out of this quagmire and change the polarity of the life position from minus to plus.

To live by habit means to know everything in advance. And this, you must agree, is terribly boring. When the intrigue is lost, when every day is painted by the minute and nothing unforeseen happens - it becomes simply uninteresting to live. But after all, it would seem that the difficult thing is to do something wrong at least once, as usual? "Yes, nothing complicated, but we just are not used to doing it," - most people will answer. Try to live differently only one day.

Conduct a different day, not relying on the usual patterns of behavior is quite difficult. Once, bringing to automaticity their actions, the body at all refuses to change something in their work, both physical and mental. It is much more convenient and cheaper (in terms of energy costs) to do everything as usual. That's why here you need a remarkable willpower. Tearing patterns of one's own behavior and thinking is incredibly difficult.

Well, how do you start destroying routine in your life? Where to begin? Without further ado, start right from tomorrow morning.

[caption id="attachment_767" align="aligncenter" width="300"] monotony in life[/caption]

Get up on the wrong foot. Very often this phrase refers to people who behave in a strange way, not as usual. But that's what we're after. We want to change something in our life, we want the closest circle of people (colleagues, family) to look at us from the other side, change the view angle, see something new in us. Directly in the morning, try to do something wrong, as always. It's enough just to change the morning routine, to have some unusual breakfast, instead of watching the morning news turn on the music and listen to your favorite band. After all, it is such a trifle in the scale of a whole day, and it is from such trifles that the whole life is built.

Look around you. How quickly life goes by. Do not have time to look back and already old age on the threshold: "hello - pass." And now we are sitting near a bored TV and grumbling at the government, the president, complaining about a small pension. We remember the life that passed by us and understands that even grandchildren have nothing to tell. And it will be so if you do not begin to live on a "full". And start living right now. Look around, how many interesting things happen very near, and we are so busy with ourselves and our daily affairs that we do not notice anything around us. And do not want to notice. It is urgent to correct this situation. The real options for correcting the situation can be, for example, some new hobby that you have not heard about before, new acquaintances, meetings, going to the movies and theater, in which many have never been. Sometimes, by removing the focus from yourself and looking around, you can completely change or improve your personal life. Problems with a loved one - do something unusual, something that you do not expect and everything will necessarily change for the better.

Naturally, everything will not change radically, because each of us has our own obligations, work. That, from what to get rid of is not possible. However, using the above tips, the keyword in which is the word "strangeness", you can get rid of the routine in life or, at least, a little to stir up the annoying routine. A man builds his life and if something does not suit you, just change it. Change as you can and develop yourself. The result, whatever it is, will not keep you waiting.

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10 Tips for Getting Rid of a Routine

If you think about your daily routine, you will see that there are a lot of things that are often not part of your usual lifestyle: a journey that you once spontaneously took; the book that touched you; a song that cheered you up. Try to remember all the unusual things that have diversified your life. A monotonous order at work, in your relationships, or in everyday life can lead to the fact that every new day coincides and merges with the previous one. Try to bring a spark into your home life, less bored at work, because life is short, and flies very quickly. Here you will find 10 tips on how to get out of the routine and make your life more interesting.

What caused the routine?

First of all, you should understand what exactly caused the routine of your life. The most important thing you can do to get out of the rut is to sit down and think about the reasons for the monotony. In fact, it is very easy. Each of us knows something that is boring. Thus, using logic, you can determine the immediate causes. This is an important time to start a change in your life. If necessary, write out all the reasons in the list to clearly formulate them.

Understand the situation

With the reasons determined? Next, make a list of things that you like, and which are annoying in the current situation. It's also very easy - just you and a piece of paper. If you are not happy with your current situation, and boredom destroys your soul, such a list is simply necessary. Definitely, there will be something that you like in the current life - write it down. But for sure there will be much more that is worth changing.

Embark on a journey

Travel is like a reset button in life. If after you return from your vacation, you still feel disappointed, the state of things is perhaps more serious than you originally thought, and you need to give the situation more attention. If you can not afford to go on vacation, then you just have to get out, breathe some fresh air. This will help you to consider things in the true light.

[caption id="attachment_764" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Getting Rid of a Routine[/caption]

Communicate with friends and family

Find someone to talk about your feelings and experiences. Even if they do not share your feelings, someone should listen to you and give an honest opinion about your situation. Perhaps this will affect you and help you change your life and get rid of the routine. Cherish your friends and family, they can give great advice!

Set new goals

From time to time, we need to rethink our goals so that we do not get caught in the routine. You must set new goals. Even if you do not have too many aspirations, just one goal is enough to move. Explore this goal, set other mini-goals that will help you achieve your great goal, start acting. This is the best way to get out of the routine.

Feeling of discomfort

Feeling uncomfortable can sometimes be very useful. If you feel comfortable, this can be one of the signs of routine, when everything is in the established order. So, a great way to get out of the rut is to feel the discomfort, do things that are out of your comfort zone. You will be surprised at how much your life can change, from which routine will disappear.

Change

Force yourself to make a change in your life, even if you do not feel it is necessary. If life is boring, why not change it, changing yourself? Changes almost always help get rid of routine.

Focus on the different

Being focused on something when you are bored is not easy, but you can change your focus center and things will start to fall into place. Let's say you feel that routine overwhelms you at work; You could focus on another task or ask your boss to give you another assignment. Concentrating on something else will help stimulate your brain. Similarly, you need to act with your thoughts - if an obsessive thought attacks, think about something else.

Learn something new

It can be learning a new language or a new skill. Learning something new will definitely get you out of the loop. To learn new things, it does not take a lot of money. You can find some courses online, or ask your friends to teach you something they know. You just have to be open to new things.

Be inspired

The best way to get out of the rut is to be inspired by yourself. Read books, articles, blogs, dedicated to people who have achieved something in life. Inspiration comes in many forms and until it arrives to you, you can not get rid of routine, no matter how hard you try. In addition, people always need examples to move forward.

Are you stuck in place? Do you want to get out of the rut, and do not know where to start? Follow these tips and life will change!

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How to cope with seasonal Depression?

Right now, I'm getting out of the depression and sharing with all those who want my time and life skills.

Chew it properly

If something comes to me or someone comes, I, like a fabulous woman-yaga, try to ask who has come to me and why. For it's not just that. This time I did not run and jumped into the very depths of fear and pain. Because a murky and indistinct word depression means - I hide something painful under the gray blanket of apathy and bad mood. What I do not want to see, and I play indifference - I choose "no strength" before "I have to do something." "I do not care" and "I do not want anything" instead of "I just need to, but I do not know where to get it." Honestly, it was very difficult, and I constantly fell into self-pity. But little by little the tears were weeping, the sadness ceased to be unreasonably existential and passed into the category of light and light.

Therefore, my first step was to consciously drown in the ocean of sorrow.

Depression: is it so bad?

On the one hand, what questions can there be: a sad face, eyes dull, do not want anything. However, if depression is such a frequent phenomenon, perhaps it is for some reason we need it? If you look closely, in some cases, depression plays the role of an insulating layer - muffling external traumatic events, helping to "go into the cave" and gain strength. Power saving mode. In each individual case, the question of whether to get out of depression or stay there more, is to be addressed individually.

2. Get out of the Twilight

I turn on the lights everywhere, buy bright bulbs, work at the window, go out for a walk during the day. Light therapy is one of the most effective (and safe!) Ways of treating depression. The hormone of joy melatonin is produced by the action of light, which is why southerners always feel happier than the serious inhabitants of the North.

[caption id="attachment_720" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Depression[/caption]

3. Movement is my favorite medicine

When we are happy, we do not sit still and vice versa. In captivity of indifference and hopelessness, we are reminded of flies bogged down in jam. Making myself move even a little - it was not easy. Fortunately, I conduct classes in motor and breathing-sound practice. To be honest, I did not expect myself to be let go. After classes, the pulling feeling left inside, and the strength became noticeably greater. It works!

4. "All or Nothing"

Being in a state of depression, we turn to the rather insidious style of thinking "all or nothing", "now or never", characteristic of the brain in a state of stress or anxiety. I was helped by the practice of writing the pros and cons of the situation in which I am. At first, I did not see any pluses at all, but after some time, invented quite a lot. And the benefits were important to me.

5. Relax

I like to get up early. But for several days I turned off the alarm and allowed myself to sleep even during the day. With mini-depressions, it sometimes helps to get enough sleep, but not for one day and not just get up an hour later, but seriously fall into hibernation for a few days. This advice I took from Malki Lorenz.

6. Posture

There is the notion of depressive posture - strengthening stoop at the expense of thoracic kyphosis, tilting the neck and shoulders forward. It leads to more shallow breathing and oxygen deficiency, as a result of the forces really become less. This pose in itself already leads to a deterioration of the blood supply to the brain and other systems, contributing to the deepening of depression. I paid special attention to this and constantly kept the focus of attention on my posture, in no way allowing myself to stop and look under my feet.

What else helps with depression:

Vitamins, antidepressants, St. John's wort (can not be combined with other antidepressants, reduces the effectiveness of contraceptives), biological additive - amino acid tryptophan, citrus aromas, jasmine, ylang-ylang, bright colors, sing to your favorite music, yellow and orange fruits and vegetables, meditation, dances , talk with a friend and ask for support, come up with a plan to escape or escape, read the records of the person who inspires you, favorite business, a good book, go to a psychotherapist, leave or a short trip, needlework, write on TKE paper that you tortured and thrown in the trash, change, smile.

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How to get along with elderly relatives

Often you can hear about how difficult it is to find a common language with older relatives, especially if you have to live together. However, even if you have a separate living space, you can not always avoid problems. Since childhood, our age is associated with wisdom, gentleness, kindness and grandmother's pancakes. Adult people build relationships in a different way. Communicating with the old, we can face bitterness, endless grumbling and selfishness.

Council of Elders

Sometimes an elderly person behaves in such a way that it seems that everyone is doing wrong. Only he knows how to. This translates into a lot of critical remarks in the direction of the young relatives.

One of the biggest problems is bitterness. Old age in itself is a pretty serious test. You have to face the understanding that life is finite. A reassessment of life results may start to affect, old wounds - unrealized, accumulated anger. All this reminds of itself more often and splashes out on loved ones.

Another misfortune is tediousness. His roots can also go to the past and be a consequence of the fact that earlier people around him did not listen to his opinion. A conviction is formed that in order to be heard, one must speak more and more often, repeating the same thought repeatedly.

A characteristic quality of the unruly old people is painful resentment. Any remark or just a lack of attention turns into pursed lips, a statement of displeasure.

"The elderly have their own peculiarities, " says Rodion Chepalov, a psychologist at the St. Petersburg-based Sundance Center. - Depending on the type and dynamics of personality, they can be expressed in different symptoms. This is occupied by geropsychology. The most unpleasant, when these signs become stubbornness, impatience to someone else's opinion, inflated self-esteem. Among the difficulties - the inability to agree, reach an equal partnership, get a brief and efficient advice and assistance within reasonable limits. "

The final stage

In general, in old age, the character becomes more complicated with the appearance of limitations in life, and from the perception of existing dependence or from fear of potential, and from fear of one's own helplessness. And anger is sometimes also a way to attract attention.

His role is also played by his own sense of uselessness and loneliness. The latter is acuter if a person has lost a spouse or husband, and lives at a distance from his children. When a person is over 80, one must also take into account the peculiarities associated with possible pathologies of the brain and with the atrophy of individual cells. Alas, many senile diseases can change or worsen the character.

My dear old people

If your old people live separately, it's easier psychologically, but more difficult physically: you need to visit, help, bring bags with food. An important role is played by the degree of kinship. It's one thing, your own grandmother, who raised you, another thing - a harmful elderly mother-in-law. In the second case, one can not avoid prejudice from both sides. But both of them often demonstrate the same problems in behavior.

[caption id="attachment_685" align="aligncenter" width="300"] elderly relatives[/caption]

1. The aggressor. Everything you do is bad and wrong. This is said in a harsh manner, down to insults. Sometimes such relatives have a tendency to complain about children to others.

2. Forever offended or grumbling. No, such relatives will not show aggression and insult you, but their sighs and sad reproaches will create a lasting sense of guilt.

3. The "bee". Grandmother, belonging to this type, and grandchildren from the school will take, and cook dinner, and pie in the evening bake. She does not think about herself, but on the other hand, she demands that for her labors there be a considerable moral return on your part.

4. The egoist. Yes, such elderly relatives will not go into your life and harass you with advice. All this does not interest them very much. But take care of yourself will be demanded in full. They can manipulate information about their health to force you to rush to yourselves to the other end of the city.

5. Mistrustful. They do not trust anyone, including relatives and friends. The latter are suspected that they are just waiting for their untimely death and are trying to seize property.

6. God's dandelion. Quiet and harmless type, hovering a little bit in other areas, but often in need of increased tutelage.

Grandma has arrived!

We can say that there is a whole program for communicating with elderly relatives.

First of all, you need to have patience, patience and again patience. "One can imagine an elderly person as a child and try to remember what good things he has done for you, " says Rodion Chepalov. - Try to see the positive features and think about what you'll ever become like. Treat the elderly relative as much as you would like to be treated in your old age. "

In direct communication, it is also necessary to master certain skills in the art of conversation. It is worth talking more with an elderly relative, finding common themes and points of contact.

It is easier to agree with other relatives than to engage in a long and unconstructive dispute. It is not always worth paying attention to the form in which this or that advice is expressed. If it is efficient, then why not use it. We agree, sometimes we are more annoyed, how exactly all this is said, what prevents us from understanding what they want from us. Moreover, you can often ask advice. But for the elderly, the formulation is more important than the very essence of what has been said.

It is better to ignore unmotivated aggression. With the aggressors, grumblers and mistrustful old people, the method of the glass hood, that is, psychological distancing, works well.

In general, one should take care of one's own remarks. Annoying that a relative for a long time does not follow the rules of hygiene? It's not worth demonstratively wrinkling your nose, it's better to motivate the old woman to "create a new look."

"Any comments should be expressed in tactful form, " Rodion Chepalov said. - Everyone needs respect. Try to avoid conflicts: generalizations ("you always ..."), appeals to the past ("how much you remember, you are terrible ..."). In dealing with elderly relatives, it is necessary to apply all those anti-conflict methods that apply to other people. And the basic principles of communication should be kindness, respect, mercy, compassion, tolerance, compassion. "

Fill the void

Often older people do not know what to attach themselves to. Therefore, they must be given the opportunity to feel their need. Sometimes it seems to you that when you free your grandmother from the troubles associated with her grandchildren, you are doing a good deed, but this is not always the case. Particularly in need of congestion "bees".

People living alone are very important "ritual" of being - that is, regular outings to people.

Its value is also in the calls at certain times and visits from your side. This helps the elderly relative to keep himself in tone and feel some kind of well-being of his existence.

And as for the type of "egoists", the relationship with them should be determined on the principle of "contract", that is, by defining your obligations to the smallest detail, proceeding from the possibilities.

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