How to decide to cross the Rubicon and start life after a divorce
The reasons for divorce are different: treason, destructive dependence, misunderstanding each other. But the sensations and experiences, the mistakes made and the conclusions drawn from them are often the same in completely different situations. Or very similar to each other.
When the marriage begins to crack at the seams, everything goes out of control and turns into some sort of chaos. Nowadays the reason for this is the incurable drunkenness of her husband. And if you follow the laws of modern psychology, it is really better for spouses to part. But it is often very difficult to do this, especially if people have lived together for years and even decades. Also, I do not want to hurt children, and simply - to share a common apartment, a dog, life. And love, which over time has turned into an attachment, a habit, still just does not let go. After all, it unites, if not a feeling, an enormous part of the common past that turns the parting into pain.
For a very long time, they do not leave conflicting impulses in peace, which simply prevent us from making the right decision. Memories, a sense of guilt pulling back into the past, I want to leave everything as always. It seems that with all the pain inflicted on each other, the presence of a once dear person already makes life cozy and pleasant, as before, when there was a family.
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Life after divorce[/caption]But on the other hand I want to get rid of painful shackles, in which nothing can be fixed, change for the better, which has been checked and tested so many times in a variety of ways. All. Hands drop from complete hopelessness. And somewhere in the depths of the soul lies the hope that freedom will bring new impressions, new acquaintances, a full-fledged, truly new life will begin after the divorce. The pragmatic part of the personality requires the termination of obsolete relationships with a person who does not have the sense to waste energy and time. From the breadwinner and the hunter, he turned into a continuous, unsolvable problem. The husband ceased to be a defender for his wife, and began to pose a real threat to her.
But again - the heart makes us constantly cry, feeling sorry for her husband, who will simply be lost without a spouse who has become for him more likely a mother. Although this speaks more about co-dependence, forcing a woman to sacrifice her own interests in the name of saving her fallen husband. It is endlessly torn by contradictory feelings and emotions, tormenting doubts that do not allow bringing the matter to a divorce and make a final decision.
Life after the divorce is just beginning!
But, as the experience of thousands of women who survived this unpleasant process shows, there is absolutely nothing horrible in it. On the contrary: problems that make life unbearable disappear at the same time. The woman's life after the divorce acquires new colors - lightness, joy and positive. And if you abstract away from everyday issues, which in any case have to be solved after the divorce process, to start living on the full, then everything will necessarily happen and all the good things will certainly happen.
Divorce can be a real relief, give a sense of peace, dimensionality and freedom. A woman does not need to measure each of her actions with the opinion of this partner to coordinate with each his step, to limit himself in something. She can safely go where she wants, meet with friends, without fear of bouts of jealousy, go to a concert, a hike, a cafe or a restaurant. Beach, spending the night with a friend, getting to know new people, communicating with them - all this without the close supervision of the flawed spouse.
A former husband after the divorce will no longer cling to every detail, indicate what to do at what point, demand to themselves vigilant attention. Life will begin to bring pleasure, joy, full of love to the whole world. In the chest will settle with nothing incomparable sense of happiness, from which it will simply burst from the inside.
Do not cling to the past
The husband with his unsolvable problems will definitely take a back seat. At times, a woman will still remember it sadly, because he is part of her life, albeit past. She will be tormented from time to time with regrets about the help that was not provided to her native person, even there will be doubts as to whether the decision to divorce was taken correctly. But the way out of these painful relationships is often the right decision.
In due time the husband terribly did not want a divorce: threatened, constantly asked to give last chance, blackmailed. Obtained chances, he did not appreciate, continuing to go lower and lower. Of course, it was possible to go to infinity indefinitely and continue to live in hell of drunken scandals and poverty. But the decision to divorce made it possible to escape from this hopeless turbidity. And after that, the very culprit of all troubles is most often quickly retired, disappearing from the life of the ex-wife without any regrets on his part. After all, when it comes to divorce because of drunkenness, the man is no longer capable of high feelings, overwhelmed by low-lying passions. It is clear that a joint life after a divorce with such a person is impossible.
Although, it happens differently. It happens that a man who in his first marriage has degraded so much that he was already outside the bounds of decency, leaving his wife, suddenly also begins to live in a new way. Simply suddenly there is a woman with whom he feels like a man, gives birth to his children and together they safely live to a very old age. Believe me, this is often not the fault of the first wife. Their lines of life simply did not coincide. And then the person experienced stress, overestimated his life priorities, and met a close person in spirit, he did his best to start life anew. Therefore, this only confirms that a divorce may well be for the benefit of both - both husband and wife.
In general, a woman can quite enjoy life after a divorce, without worrying about once-blessed. Exceptions happen, and very pleasant. Therefore, there is no need to fear the future, and it is also foolish to try to keep by force what will still fall apart. And you do not need to postpone the divorce, if it is inevitable. There are a lot of advisers who feel sorry for the descended man, considering it necessary to protect the crumbling marriage. But it is better for them not to get involved in a relationship with someone else's family, not knowing about all those circumstances that bring the divorce closer.
And the spouses do not need to be too sacrificial, especially to the detriment of themselves. Unjustifiably sacrificing their own interests, years of life, health, they basically can not bring an illusory goal - family well-being. It is important to remember that life after a divorce from her husband will not end for anyone. In the ripe parting there is nothing to worry about. It is just necessary to make this process as correct and painless as possible. When one thing ends, another begins. Always like this. An erroneous, unfortunate, painful marriage is not a verdict of a court, it can always be canceled in order to heal a free, unknown life before. And after all, she should be so - happy and joyful. Do not let conventions keep you in chains!
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